Why oh why?

Dear Everyone who is still wearing shorts,
Stop it! Just stop it! I don’t know why you are still doing it; it is autumn and cold, ish. Soon it will be winter and I know you will still be wearing them and I will find it even more annoying. Do not your calves get cold? I saw a man wearing flip-flops the other day and I wanted to stamp on his toes. A more interesting point, however, is why does this annoy me so? I really don’t know, it just came upon me (stop sniggering at the back) the other day and now I can barely contain my rage. What is wrong with me? Maybe it is just simple displacement or transference as it is my birthday on Friday and the process of ageing makes me angry and upset so I try to ignore it but I sort of like the attention of people buying me things, hence the reason I’m telling you I suppose. Oh I’m so conflicted,

Yours with nice warm calves,
Martyn xx