Diana Watch

He was 10 when it happened! Did we ever ask why it happened or did we just charge a 10 year old with murder and then, when encouraged by the media to light the torches and dust off our pitch forks, forget how old he was? Yes, he is now 27 but this is not the same person that killed a child 17 years ago. Are you, screaming idiots, the same person that you were when you were 10? I’m not, well I still like Dr who and nature documentaries, but apart from that I’ve changed quite a bit and I assume you have too.
If anything we should be ashamed that we have failed the child formally know as John Venables by not helping him enough to recover from a childhood that turned him into that 10 year old killer of a child. I do feel that I need to mention that I am not taking away from the enormity of this crime but adding so context.
A report out this week showed that re-offending on release from prison costs the country £10bn per year. Proof, I think you will agree, that the present penal system of lock them up and forget about that, as favoured by right wing politicians (and the Labour Party so that they could get elected) who see feeding prisoners as “too good for them” does not work. It does not help to deter people from a life of crime; if anything it reinforces their behaviour patterns. It shows them that they are outsiders and no one cares. What’s the point in worrying about others when they don’t care about you?
I know I won’t convince conservative types that helping prisoners off of drugs and to get an education is the right thing to do on moral grounds but can I appeal to them on budgetary grounds? Spend a bit more on rehabilitation of these people and save massive amounts of money for the whole country.


I bloody love twitter. There are so many helpful people on there. A few weeks ago I mentioned that we are going to go to Canadia next February and a woman, who is a Travel Agent, offered help in finding flights. I got asked on to the Radio 4 program “You and Yours” because I complained about their interview with halfwit herb peddler Michael McIntyre (not the overrated joke teller) and within half an hour a person who specialises in PR offered to help prepare me. I'm still not sure if I'll go on because I don't think that I am clever enough (or calm enough, I don’t think that Radio 4 would be overly impressed if I called him some terrible unpleasant name) to debate someone on national radio.
Then this week I mentioned a band that I really, really love and encouraged them to play in my general area and I got a direct message from a friend saying that she knew the lead singer and he was a friend. Oh yes Ladies and Gentlemen. Twitter is bloody brilliant.


The BNP have tried really hard to change their constitution so that they could remain racist but also within the law. It seems that they have failed.
A few weeks ago the BNP voted to get rid of its “Whites Only” membership policy after a threat of comedy legal action from the Equality and Human Rights Commission. But a judge at the Central London County Court rejected their new attempt which asked members to sign up to the BNP's “principles”, including a duty to oppose the promotion of any form of "integration or assimilation" that impacted on the "indigenous British”, again I think we have to ask noted twat Nick Griffin what exactly they mean by “Indigenous British”, and a requirement to support the "maintenance and existence of the unity and integrity of the indigenous British". Again with that term.
They really do seem to think that when we were invaded by Northern Europeans and the French and the Romans and anyone else who came to this grey little corner of Europe, that they didn’t have any sex with anyone who lived here. I happen to know, for a fact, that at least one person who came to Britain in the Middle Ages was black,



They seem to suffer under this delusion that we are genetically pure. And if man spread out from Africa, which he did, the “indigenous British” would have got here from, ummm, SOMEWHERE ELSE.
Nick Griffin said after the judgement “"I think it's appalling. The court have opened a huge can of worms here, they have given a government funded, a taxpayer-funded body the right to interfere with the aims and objectives of political parties. That’s not just an attack on us. It's an attack potentially on any political party. It's a bad day for democracy from that point of view." It’s an attack on any political party THAT BREAKS THE LAW.
Sorry, too many capital letters there but the BNP piss me off.


Japanese Knot weed can grow 3ft in 3 weeks and can regenerate from a bit of root the size of thumb nail. It is remarkable stuff but it is also a massive pain in the arse. It can destroy the foundations of buildings and flood defences and it costs millions of pounds to keep under control.
What shall we do? So how will we control it? We must find something before are entire country is engulfed by a foreign invader? Coming over here, stealing our nutrients, out competing our native species. Scuttle forward a tiny Japanese insect called Psyllid. It sucks the sap out of it and slowly kills it.
Now, knotweed was introduced into the country as an ornamental plant by the Victorians but it soon escaped and started causing problems. Now we want to introduce another non-native species to control a non-native species, what could possibly go wrong? Environmental policy based on the nursery rhyme “There Was An Old Woman”.

“There was an old woman who swallowed a fly,
I don't know why she swallowed a fly,
Perhaps she'll die.

There was an old woman who swallowed a spider,
That wriggled and jiggled and tickled inside her,
She swallowed the spider to catch the fly,
I don't know why she swallowed the fly,
Perhaps she'll die.”


And so to the Awards,

Special mention for the board of Itawamba County Agricultural High School in Fulton, Mississippi who have decided to cancel the School Prom rather than let one of the female pupils bring her girlfriend.
This is why the rest of the world mocks you America. Please don’t act surprised, you bring it on yourself.


The Award for Desperately Trying To Shift The Blame,

This has to go to Father Gabriele Amorth. He is the Vatican's Chief Exorcist (because they have more than one) who claims to have dealt with 70,000 cases of demonic possession. Really? Any proof of that sir?
Anyway, He has claimed that recent, umm, unpleasantnesses within the Catholic Church were because “the Devil is at work inside the Vatican”. Some of the things that are “proof” of the Devil's influence are power struggles at the Vatican and also "cardinals who do not believe in Jesus, and bishops who are linked to the Demon". Oh and all of those scandals involving Priests raping children. Good news, it wasn't their fault, it was the Devil. Well that’s ok then, we should just let them off (like the Church does) because they were possessed. Just a quick question, if a parishioner came to confession and confessed to raping a child how many Priests would say “that's ok, you are probably possessed by the Devil”? I would imagine it would be none.
He also was one of the Priests who said that JK Rowling’s books made a “false distinction between black and white magic", forgetting that it's CHILDREN’S FICTION! Although, to be fair, he seems to think that the Bible is the literal truth, so he does have a problem distinguishing between truth and fiction. He also seems to think that The Exorcist is some sort of documentary. He described it as “exaggerated" but offered a "substantially exact" picture of possession. OK, back slowly away from him people, make for the door but do it quietly, they are more dangerous when they are startled.

The Award For I’m Sorry, You Did What?

David Cameron really does have a very poor grasp of history. During Prime Ministers Questions on Wednesday he said that the Tories cut defence spending because THEY WON THE COLD WAR. He was under pressure from Gordon Brown who had pointed out that the last time the defence budget was cut was in the 90's by the Tories. David Cameron retorted “That's because we won the Cold War under the Conservatives," We? We won the cold war? If anyone won the cold war it was the Americans but let's be honest, the Russians lost, no one won.
Just for the sake of balance Gordon was a little misleading in his use of numbers because, yes the Government have increased the amount of money that they give the Armed Forces each year, when you include inflation there has been the odd “real terms” cut.

The Award For It’s About Time Too,

Following on from her win at the Baftas Katherine Bigelow has won the Oscar for best director and, again, like the Baftas she is the first woman ever to win this prize. More importantly though Avatar didn't win very much. Which is nice.
What was much more surprising was Sandra Bullock winning the best actress Award for the Blind Side. Ok so no one over here has seen Blind Side but it is a Sandra Bullock film so expectations aren’t high.
One of the reasons that people like Ms Bullock is that she does seem to have a sense of humour about herself. The night before the Oscars she also won a Razzie for the worst actress for her performance in “All About Steve”. She turned up to except her award. You have to admire that sort of self-effacing behaviour but that doesn’t mean that she can carry on making bad films.


Things that almost made it,

Top 100 websites, the only porn site is at number 84. Clearly this is bobbins.

England Davis Cup team are rubbish after losing to the Ukraine. A team made up of teenagers beat us. The problem seems to be the Lawn Tennis Association. Let us, quickly, review “British” Male tennis players of the last few years. Andy Murray hasn't come through the LTA's system, his mum took him out of the system and he has also decided that he won't play Davis Cup matches any more. Greg Rusedski is from Canadia so wasn't trained by the LTA. And that leaves Tim Henmen. He was trained by David Lloyd, the brother of the Davis Cup captain John. So again, not trained within the LTA system.


The Daily Mail lies several times in several weeks, here and here

Have a fantastic week.

Diana Watch

OK, I think I have to be honest with you. I will not be voting for the Conservative Party at the next General Election. I know that this may come as a surprise to absolutely none of you but I thought that we should clear it up.

 I spend a lot of time on here having a go at Tories and their rubbishness and almost as much time defending the Government. This will stop, the government defending bit anyway (unless they are being unfairly maligned or misrepresented because that is not fair.)

 I feel that, for reasons of fairness, that I should also tell you that I am a member of a Political party and it is neither of the two mentioned above. Yes, my dear readers, I am a member of UKIP. Ha, bet you spluttered what ever drink happened to be in your mouth just then. Bet it’s running down your chin and dripping on to your keyboard right now! Ha. Of course I’m not, I’m a member of the Lib-Dems (oh and as of this week the RSPB).

 You’re not really that surprised are you? I thought I should mention it because as we, in Britain, build up to the Election this blog may get a little more partisan. To be honest it will get a little more partisan but I’m trying to give it a veneer of balance and fairness.

 I won’t be uncritical of my party though just because I am a member, if they do something twatish I will say, but possible not with as much vitriol as I would if it were a Tory issue.

 For instance, there seems to be a plot afoot to remove Evan Harris as the parties’ spokesperson on Science, you can read about at Jon Treadway’s blog here.

 Brilliant, Evan Harris is great. He’s funny and well informed. We need more people like him not fewer. So he pissed off a few on the old woolly side of the party. Fuck ‘em. They are one of the reasons the party has an image problem. People think that we are all just a bunch of Tofu eating, sandal wearing hippies. Are we going to try and get rid of Vince Cable as well because he annoys some bankers?

 Anyway, confession over (now I know how Tiger Woods must have felt. Seriously, talk about taking yourself too seriously. You play golf for a living, calm down. Who cares into what or whom you have inserted your penis. Can you still play golf well? If so then carry on, if not stop, you are worth over $1billion) and now back to Tory Bashing, it’s like whack-a-mole but much, much more fun.

 20 economists have written to last Sunday's Times to say that the Government's handling of the economic recovery is wrong. Are we surprised by this? No, of course we aren't. I would imagine that they were asked to write to the paper by either the paper or the Tories. I can imagine that it isn't that hard to find 20 economists that disagree with the Government. After all it's only 20. and as any economist will tell you that, when compared to say 60million, 20 is a very small number.

 History also tells us that economist know nothing. We've had a recession after all but that’s not all. In 1981 364 economists wrote to Geoffrey Howe to tell him that he was wrong to raise taxes by £4bn. In the letter, Mervyn King (now Governor of the Bank of England), and the Labour peer, Maurice Peston (Robert Peston's Dad) said that Howe's policy had "no basis in economic theory or supporting evidence", and that Britain's "social and political stability" was at risk if the government did not change course.

 The Tories made much of Sunday's letter but they should be a little careful. Hubris people, hubris. After the 1981 letter was written by loads of people who where supposed to know their stuff, exactly the opposite of what they said would happen happened. The Economy started to grow.

 Friday bought another letter from some more economists. Really, shouldn’t they be doing some adding up or something, they seem to have far to much time to write letters. Oh and letters? Who writes letters these days? What is this, the early 20^th Century? This is why we are in so much trouble, they’ll be advising us to invest in the East India Company or Dutch Tulip bulbs soon.

 Anyway, this time 60 of them have written an open letter supporting the Government’s plan to delay spending cuts for a little bit.

 Now I only have A-level Maths and I don't have a degree in Economics but I'm pretty sure that 60 is bigger than 20, about 3 times as much I reckon. So that will be lots more economists say the Government is right and not the Tories. To quote a football chant “Sit down, shut up. Sit down, shut up.”

 Whilst we are talking about Tories and numbers lets have a quick award,

 The Award for Shooting Yourself in the Foot and Showing That You Have No Idea What Is Going On,

 The Tories put out a document as part of their “Broken Britain” smear campaign against not-middle-class-people that claimed that more than half of girls in deprived areas, by the age of 18, were pregnent. The exact number that they used was 54%. If that is true then that is terrible, maybe these Tory types have a point. Of course they don't. The figure was false. The true figure is 5.4%. Was it just a typo? Did they just miss out a decimal point? Well if they did, they did it 3 times in the document so that seems unlikely. Did no one proof read it and question the figures? (I know I can't really criticize others proof reading but hey, I'm not trying to get elected, yet.) 

 You could just brush this off (as I'm sure the Tories will) as just a mistake but what it does show is that the Conservative Party have no idea what is actually going on in Britain. No one who read the document before it was published thought to ask, “Is this very high number correct?” They all assumed that this is what their country folk were like. Are these the people you want making social policy for us all? Well of course you lot don't, you read this but please tell your friends, relatives and complete strangers, the Tories have no idea about other people.

Would you let this woman run your child’s school?

For those who don’t know, this is Goldie Hawn, she is an actress who likes Buddhism. This is qualification enough to run schools under Tory plans announced last Sunday. Parents, charities and companies are to be encouraged to take over failing schools.

 Is that not privatisation? You remember privatisation, trains, power generation, home care, all those things that work really, really well. Oh now wait, I forgot, profit is put ahead of service. That’s how your children should be educated, by the lowest bidder. What could possibly go wrong?

 Shadow Children's Secretary Michael Gove, told the Sunday Times that there would be proper inspections of the school and did say that creationism would not be taught even if a church charity took over a school. Can we hold you to that Mr Gove because that is quite a bold claim?

 He also used a very odd phrase when discussing who would be allowed to run the schools. He said that an independent body would be set up to vet all those who applied and “to make sure that extremist organisations, or people who have a dark agenda, are prevented from doing so.". A dark agenda? He does realise the Harry Potter is fiction right?

 The Award for Reasonably Incompetent Secret Service of the Week,

 This must go to Mossad, the Israeli secret service. OK, so state sponsored terrorism isn’t funny but the way this hit was carries out does smack of a Carry On film.

 Mahmoud al-Mabhouh, a Hamas leader, was found dead in his hotel room in Dubai. It has been assumed by most people, quite reasonably given Mossad’s history, (have you seen the film Munich?) that they carried out the assassination.

 I realize that none of the above is funny but the following is, a bit. They used stolen identities to travel on. The identities of real people. They traveled on passports with these people’s names on them. People who would very quickly be able to prove that they were nowhere near Dubai when Interpol, who seem to have issued an international arrest warrant for these obviously innocent people, come a calling.

 As far as I am aware, and most of my knowledge does come from the BBC television program Spooks, spy types use a false identity or legend. By using real people and then killing someone, they have managed to get themselves an awful lot of attention, usually the opposite of what spies try and do.

 The Israeli Ambassador was called to the Foreign Office and was asked to explain why they did this, to which his reply, after shifting awkwardly in his seat, was. “Ummmm, we didn’t.”

 The problem is we can do nothing. A government spokesman, I forget who now (this is why I would never be able to uncover something like the Watergate cover up, “ummm, someone broke into somewhere and junk.”) said that “We will make the strongest representations to the Israeli Government”. Well what does that mean? When pressed he was unable to answer because they can do nothing.

 Your ID can be stolen by a foreign Secret Service and there is nothing you, or anyone else, can do about it. International law is meaningless if it is unenforceable.

The Award That Will Mean Nothing To You Because You've Just Won An Olympic Medal,

We won a gold! Oh yes, Ladies and Gentlemen (ok, those reading this in Canada and the US are quite use to this) Great Britain has won a gold medal! Amy Williams has been victorious in the Skeleton bob and has become the first Britain to win a solo Gold in 30 years. (If you click here you can see some video on the BBC website.)

 Lets not mention the US and Canada making sour-grapes type complaints about her aerodynamic helmet because they were rejected, and Great Britain won a medal. Oh yes.

Stories that haven't made it this week,

 The pointless but funny story of the week. The BNP has voted to change it's constitution to allow non-white people to join after the threat of legal action from the Equalities commission.

 Is this going to make them less racist? Nope.

We live in a country of unpleasant people (despite the survey a couple of weeks ago that said that we are all more liberal), although why has the BBC focused on woman's attitudes?

 Haikus of the Week,

 We now know what killed

 King Tutankhamen, fear not,

 He is still dead though.

 A Golfer says sorry

To his wife and family,

Gillette are relieved.

In the coming week news,

Simon Singh's appeal against the BCA comes up on Tuesday. For those of you who don't know what the case is about then may I recommend that you read here or here, for more info on Libel reform, try here.

 May I advise you to read the Jack of Kent blog later in the week to find out what happened.

 Good news, I've come to the end. Have a lovely week.

Diana Watch

 I seem to be the luckiest person in the world. Last year I was chosen to help a Kenyan Prince to help him transfer his money out of the country (small fee to me) and now this,

Dear E-mail Bearer,

You have won the sum of £500,000.00 GBGBP  in the British Online.

Sweepstakes Promo head on Sat 16 Jan 2010.Your Your e-mail address

Dream Number draw 367 the winning lucky

numbers:1 9 6 1 3 1 9.(Dream number)

To claim of your prize,you are advise to contact your claims

department with the below informations.

Contact Person:Brender William

E-mail: brtelcomprizeclaimscenter@hotmail.co.uk

Contact Number:

You are advice to provide him with the following information

Full Names:

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Tel / Mobile

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INDICATE PREFERRED MODE OF PRIZE

COLLECTION:

(A)Bank transfer Services?

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(c) Use Courier Service?

Congratulations in advance.

Yours Faithfully,

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Lottery Coordinator

How lucky am I?

 As we all know there are some spectacularly entertaining world leaders, Colonel Gaddafi for instance. A man who has a protection squad made up of only Amazonian proportioned woman and, when making what was supposed to be a 15 minute speech to the UN, went on for so long that he went through 2 translators. 

 Then there is President Chevaz of Venezuela. He host a live program on the state owned Television company on which he holds forth on the subjects of the day and takes phone calls from the public. This show, called “Hello, President!”, can often last 5 hours. Then, of course, he said that he could still smell the sulphur when he took the podium so time after George W Bush, again at the UN. What is it with the UN and great comedy performances? See also Colin Powell in front of the Security Council trying to convince them that Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction, “See this document proves that Saddam tried to buy nuclear material from Africa.”

 “Then can you explain Mr Secretary why, in this document, that Saddam Hussein is President of Iran and “nuclear” is spelt incorrectly?”  

 But by far the most amusing is Silvio Belesconi. Late last year I felt a tremor in the comedy force. It was if a million people laughed out loud at once and were then silent. I had to find out what had caused this mass chuckle. To the News Channels! Economics, no, Sport, no that's' not it, what can it be? “And now the headlines. The curiously smooth fore headed Prime Minister of Italy has been struck in the face by a small, ceramic model of a cathedral” Oh that will be it then.

 I didn't think that this story could get any funnier but hurray for the Italian Judiciary. Italian Judges are not fans of the sex addicted convicted fraudster and have been accused of trying to bring down the President by prosecuting him for various things.

 At the moment they are deciding what to charge the man who lobbed the statuette in his general direction with and Italian Law is quite specific about this. If the injury deemed to need less than 40 days recovery then he will be charged with wounding. Any longer and the more serious charge of wounding with intent comes into play. Mr Berusconi seemed to get better in about 21 days despite his Doctor saying it would take 90 so the Prosecutor Armando Spataro ,who is investigating the case, has asked for two facial specialists doctors to examine Berlusconi next week and give a report. There is much talk that they think it was a stunt.

 Is that possible? Could he have colluded in this? How would this have been bought up at a meeting? “Umm, I was wondering,” (oh and please read this with a comedy Italian accent, whether out loud or in you head) “It seems the people are not so keen on you, our President.”

  “Well why not? I own half the press and control most of the news. Many of them only hear what I want them to hear.”

 “Well Sir, it may be your fraud conviction or that you are a bit of an international embarrassment, what with the divorce and the alleged sex addiction.”

 “Well obviously it isn't either those things but I will humour you. How would you make me more popular with the ungrateful Italian public?”

“Well Sir, first we need a small china church and someone with a great right arm.”

“Go on....”

This week I have complained to the Advertising Standards Agency about the Daily Express. It describes it's self as “The Worlds Greatest Newspaper”, it isn't. Unfortunately they rejected my complaint.  

And so to the much-more-glamorous-than-the-Golden-Globe Awards (You should see the frock I’m wearing),

The Award for Least Relevant Mention of a Favoured Subject,

Usually we don't have the same award 2 weeks in a row but I think we can cope. Not only is it the same award, it is the same paper and the same favoured subject.

 The deputy headmaster of a school in Kent has been arrested and charged with possessing child pornography. Can you guess who used to go to this school? Yes it was Princess Diana.

 To be honest it wasn't just the Daily Mail that run the story with this link (although they have since changed the article on their website and make no mention of Her but as you can see from the URL, http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1244122/Deputy-head-Princess-Dianas-school-charged-child-porn-offences.html, it used too  ) it seems that most of them did.

The Award for Thinking Someone is Much More Important Than They are,

The live subtitles on Sky News are always amusing, as I have said before, but on Monday evening they excelled themselves, “Boyzone to carry on For Peace”. Really? They think that they can bring about world peace? Umm, no. It was later changed to “Boyzone to carry on as a four piece”.

The Aware For Just Being A Little Bit Brilliant,

 The Dorchester restaurant Sienna has been awarded a Michelin Star. It is the first establishment in our town to have this honour bestowed upon them for 20 years. I can assure you that this isn’t an advert for them (although they can pay me with free meals if they want to, I want to be corrupted) but I had to best food I have ever tasted there. Has food ever bought a tear to your eye because it was so good?

The Award for Thinking That YOU Are More Important Than You Are,

This really has to go to the BNP just about ever week but this week they have, at least, put some effort in.

 They are attempting invoked the 1872 Ballot Act (well it proves that at least one of them can read I suppose). They are worried about vote rigging or ballot stuffing because they think everyone is against them (well they are) so, under a clause in this law they can have their own seal on the ballot box. They will also require a member of their party to be present at the opening of the box to check the seal.

 Well done the BBC for bringing this to my attention. If it hadn’t been for you reporting it and having their spokesman on a prime-time news program I would never have heard about it this self promoting stunt. Another attempt to cast themselves as victims. Well done and thank you.

Sadly the rugby commentator Bill Mclaren has died and just before the start of the new 6 Nations tournament. Nature can be so cruel. Anyway, just a brief Youtube “His best bits” thing (I feel like Davina but with out the shiny, flowing, chestnutty locks),

See how the new regime of a shorter, more concise Sunday blog has fallen down at the second hurdle, sorry about that. Although, in my defence, there was lots I wanted to mention like the crime rate was down 8% yet David Cameron gave a speech on Friday about how bad crime was in Britain. Good fact ignoring there. Oh and that unemployment down as well. Fingers crossed for a bit a Labour recovery. Please don’t vote Tory.

 No more from me, have a good week all.

Diana Watch

As you know I hate the Daily Mail but I have, sort of, left them alone for a week or two but not this week.
They have spent the week trying to tell us all how to live our lives and what we can and cannot look at, which is interesting from a paper that complains about the nanny state.
The week started with the unfortunate death of a young girl. She was 14 and had recently had the vaccine against HPV which can go on to course cervical cancer, you know the jab, the one that The Mail is against here but campaigns for in Ireland.
The paper decided, as did most others to be honest, that it was the vaccine that killed her. They had no evidence at all that this was true but that didn't stop them calling for the end of the vaccinations and running polls on the website.
On Tuesday they were still reporting it as if the vaccine had definitely killed her, still no post mortem. In fact on Google news there are 1,592 stories about her death.
On Wednesday the official post mortem was released and it was found that the death of the previously healthy girl had been caused by a massive tumour in her chest that could have killed her at any time. The recent vaccination was merely an unfortunate coincidence. The Mail's website barely mentioned it. 363 articles about the post mortem on Google news. They then published this article, which is a classic having your cake and eating it bit of writing.
“Natalie's death forced experts to stress that the cervical cancer jab is safe. The Mail supports that.” they say but they then go on, “But we also believe that the parents who claim it terribly damaged their daughters have a right to speak.” They then go on to make all sorts of accusations in a very carefully written article which makes it clear that it is not them saying these things but they are up holding the free speech rights of their readers. Isn't that good of them? They are fighting for our rights, well only the ones that they think are useful to them, not your right to protest or anything like that. They actually seem to be against that unless it is their readers protesting.
And just when we were all excepting that the jab was safe, 1.4 million doses delivered with not much to report, they publish this today. They have published no evidence at all; it is just scaremongering of the highest order.

Then they tried to tell me what I could see in an art museum.
A picture of Brooke Shields has been removed from an exhibition at the Tate Modern. In this picture she is naked and made up. She was 10 when the picture was taken with the permission of her mother.
The picture has been seen in many countries around the world with no problems at all. It has even been exhibited in America with few complaints but the Mail didn't like it. Oh no. A picture of a naked child is now always pornography to them. They were so upset by the image that they found it necessary to publish a picture of a topless 14 year old Brooke Shields that was ok for some reason.
Ok, so the picture might not have been your thing but that doesn't mean that you can tell me what I can see. I have to decide for myself what is and isn't offensive to me.
I also think that you project on to art what you want to see. I will see a 10 year old girl but it seems that those at the Mail see a sexual image, strange.

And then we have classic Daily Mail misogyny. The Mail's hatred of woman is sometimes hard to pin down but they made it very easy for me this week so I thank them.
Yet another study has shown that if you live a healthy and fit life you reduce you risk of getting cancer. Not really a new or radical finding but it is added to the pile on sensible advice for a long and healthy life. The paper in question specifically mentioned breast cancer as a disease that is most effected by lifestyle choices. They also defined within the study what they meant by moderate to vigorous exercise. They included things such as running, swimming and housework. Can you guess what the headline was in the working woman hating Mail? “Daily dose of housework could cut risk of breast cancer” Nice. Pick out only the bits that tell woman their place in the Mail-centric world.
Oh and while we are at it I give you “Can snuggling up to your pet give you MRSA?”

So let us now move to hypocrisy.
David Miliband made a speech at the Labour Party Conference in which he mentioned the new right wing voting grouping in the European Parliament (admit it, that is the sexiest sentence you have ever read.) and pointed out that some of the people that the Tories have aligned themselves with are less than pleasant when it comes to such issues as race and homosexuality. He then used a quote from Edmund Burke, “What do they say? All you need for evil to triumph is for good men to remain silent”. It was said originally in reference to those who didn't speak out against the Nazis in the 30's. This was seized upon as comparing the Tories and their “friends” to the Nazis, which is kind of reasonable in a number of these cases, and many in the Tory party and at The Mail (they are very sensitive on matters of National Socialism, what with their support for the black shirts and everything) called for an apology and a retraction of the statement because they didn't like being compared to the murders of Gypsies, Gays, the disabled and Jews. However, in his article on Thursday it was perfectly OK for Richard Littlejohn to call North Wales Traffic Police “North Wales Traffic Taliban”. You know the Taliban, they're those nice blokes who stone woman to death and kill our soldiers in Afghanistan.

The Sun has switched its support from Labour to the Conservative party. Really? They were still supporting The Labour Party? Are you sure? Well now that the Conservatives look let they are going to win the next election (sigh) they have switched their support. Well, they have in England. It seems that in Scotland, were Labour are well ahead of the Tories, they are still undecided. Glad to see that their decision was based on firmly held political beliefs than.

Whilst we are talking about the Tories just one more thing. David “call me Dave” Cameron is going to announce plans to “Get Britain Working”. One of the things that he is going to say is that there should be a deregulation of business to encourage them to employ more people.
Whoa there Dave, wasn't it the lack of regulation in the banking sector that got us to this situation in the first place? And what sort of things are you going to deregulate? Health and safety? The minimum wage? We want specifics.

let's end this bit with some fun news. The BNP are nearly broke! Come on, that is the best news you've heard in a long time. As the not so real @RealnickGriffin said on Twitter a couple of days ago “The BNP freephone number is 08000086191. Every call costs us money so don't abuse it by, say, leaving it off the hook from a payphone.”

How about some awards?

The Award for Surprise Moan of the Week,

On the 30th of September those of us who have Freeview had to retune our boxes so that new channels could be added and the whole thing could be tidied up a bit.
Following the retune lots of people have complained that they have lost channel 5, ITV 3 and 4. I have seen all of these channels and you would have thought that people would be damn grateful not to able to see this repeat-laden crap.

The Award Least Interesting Survey of the Week,

As usual there are quite a number of candidates for this small but perfectly formed trophy but the winner is a survey into the swinging and who is most likely to do it.
It turns out that, rather than bear bellied blokes and bored housewives, it is mid 20's, well educated people. Upsettingly that is another demographic I fall outside of.
They have names as well. Paul and Catherine are the names of these people most likely to enjoy wife swapping. So if you have a dinner invite from your friends Catherine and Paul this evening I would recommend taking a small pack of condoms with you, you never know what might happen.

The Award for not getting an Award of the Week,

This goes to JK Rowling. According to Matt Latimer, a former Bush speech writer (that's President Bush, not the talking, burning one in Bible, she was up for the Presidential Medal of Freedom. This is given for “individuals who make an especially meritorious contribution to the security or national interests of the United States, world peace, cultural or other significant public or private endeavours” (how this includes writing some books about a boy wizard is beyond me but it's their medal), but someone within the Administration “objected” giving her the award because the books encourage Witchcraft.
Oh dear. Do we have to go through this again? IT'S FICTION! IT'S JUST A STORY!
There was also a list of the books on the Guardian website that have had the most attempts to get them banned.
The reasons are the usual sort of things, a bit gay, a bit anti-religious, that sort of thing. It's just pathetic really. You ban things and you make them more interesting. Children (and me) will want to read them more.
Just reading about something doesn't make me want to do it. I read books with religious characters and I don't, now, believe in God. I've read books with murders, gun-running and drug smuggling and I don't do any of those things Hell, I've even read the Daily Mail and it didn't turn me into an unpleasant twat.
What they seemed to scared of is that people (children) might read something and then think about it. Consider an opinion and then come to their own decision and we really can't have that can we?

I’m working quite a lot this week, which is nice. Hope you have a lovely week.

Diana Watch

Hello to you all. How are you today? Let's start with a joke, Nick Griffin of the BNP was deeply annoyed about the egg throwing in the week, “The bastards could have separated the whites first.”

OK, so it wasn't the best joke you will ever hear but it's quite funny. As I said in the week, he does have the right to speak but we also have the right to protest. Throwing stuff is, technically, assault so don't do that, no matter how funny it is. Significant Other suggested that there should be mass silent protests. Every time the little tosser opens his mouth in public there will be a small group of quiet banner holders. He can't complain about that and there is no chance of him casting himself as a victim as he tried after the flying raw omelette the other day.
He tried to claim that it was orchestrated by the main political parties trying to silence him. Has he not seen 24 or Spooks? Has he not read 1984? If that is his paranoid understanding of how the State silences it's critics I think it can be best described as quaint.
The election of the BNP MEP's was used by David Cameron to argue against Proportional Representation when Gordon Brown talked about electoral reform, because 65% of the population DIDN'T vote but of those that did, a largish proportion voted for Fascists. No,no Mr Cameron, you miss the point. The BNP got in because most people didn't vote. None of you got a popular mandate because most people stayed at home.
The challenge with PR is to motivate people to vote. As it stands many feel disconnected from politics, I don't why, surely these hard times should get more people engaged, anyway, so they don't vote and the minor parties whose only policies seem to be about focusing anger on people who aren't them, motivate their supporters really well. Your task is to get your people out to vote

The cliché is that a week is a long time in politics but look at the turn around, sort of, in Gordon Brown. We had the crushing defeat of both the Local and Elections and then the fun of the reshuffle. Various Ministers stropping out, some to spend more time with there families, some to spend more time with their stylists (although I really shouldn't mock Caroline Flint because I thought she looked great in her photos and she did her job well, can a woman not be clever and attractive?), others left thinking that many others would follow them out only to hear the sound of a slamming door and some giggling. I'm assuming that James Purnell feels a little silly now.
This week, however, the tide may have started to turn. There has been some quite good news on the economy, you remember that I assume? Worst economic crisis in living memory? Gordon Brown did well at the G20, could be said to have saved Western banking. This week we had manufacturing figures that showed that production was up 0.2% last month and the month before. There were figures regarding mortgage lending, up by between 14 to 17% on the month before. And then the slip that Gordon had been waiting for.
On Radio 4's Today programme the Shadow Health Minister, Andrew Landsbury, was being interviewed by professional interrupter John Humphries when he let it slip that the Tories would protect the NHS, schools and International Development but apart from that there would be 10% cuts in spending. A couple of hours before Prime Ministers questions and an open goal was presented to the PM. I would imagine that the smile on his face looked really rather sincere that day.
PMQ's was super fun. Watching anyone land, metaphoric, punches on David Cameron is always fun. I am not a Labour supporter but I am a Tory hater so anyone getting the upper hand on them will always get my support. Go Gordon, Go Gordon.

The Government did have one little problem this week in the form of the Law Lords. They ruled that Control Orders, the fantastic piece of law that says, ok we think your guilty but can't prove it but we will lock you up in your own house, where illegal. The part that they decided was illegal is the bit where you can be charged with something but not told what. Or told the evidence against you. But they believe that you did or might do something illegal, probably terrorist related, and the evidence was gained in a way that disclosure of it might endanger national security. You don't think locking people up with no charge or disclosed evidence against them might annoy them a little? And their friends? And family? Do you think that these injustices may help radicalise those who were getting moulded that way?

The Awards for the Week I think now,

The Award for not knowing what a song is about but using it on an advert anyway,

One of the best examples of this up to now was the BBC advertising itself using Lou Reed's Perfect Day. A song about heroin abuse I believe. That's how I want to see my national broadcaster. Oh and then they released it for Children in Need.
The winner is the new Heinz Baked Beans advert for their new little packs designed for microwave use. The song they have chosen to use is Ring my Bell. See, microwave finishes, little bell rings. What was that song, oh yes, You can ring my bell. I don't wish to come across as a joy-spoiler or that I take the music thing to seriously but it isn't about a bell. It's a euphemism. It's about rude things not baked beans from a microwave, unless of course Heinz are aiming at people who really like baked beans, I mean really like baked beans.

The Award for a bit late now of the week,

You may have noticed that the British aren't too fussed about their privacy are civil liberties. We love a CCTV camera because we have been told that it will make us safer. We love to be told by a Government that curtailing our freedoms and civil liberties with ID cards and databases and spying and holding on to email and phone information will completely stamp out terrorism, it will never happen. You can not be 100% safe and have any freedom. But, sorry to start a sentence with a “but”, I want to start my book with a “but” just to annoy people, you tell BBC viewers and listeners that there is a new 118 info service that is a mobile phone directory and they will be up in arms. Oh my, the vitriol aimed at this company via the medium of stroppy email and text to the BBC was immense. “it's an invasion of my privacy” was the major complaint. It really isn't. You can remove your number from the system and if someone wants to know your number the company will text you first and ask if they can pass on your number. Oh and there is the point that they got all the numbers from various websites that we had all used, entered our mobile phone numbers and then not read the small print when they ticked that they had read the terms and conditions. IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT PEOPLE! Only yourselves to blame.

I think that that will do for this week. Now I promised last week that we would all be back to normal and there would be a Sunday blog each week again. A small problem there because next Sunday is my first wedding anniversary and we will be in the Lake District, in a tent, not my idea. Significant Other wanted to go camping so camping we will go but I'm sure I will enjoy it. Will Twitter though.
Right off to Wimborne Folk Festival this afternoon and have been told by my friend that I'm not allowed to laugh at Morris Dancers, despite the fact that they are funny, and I must celebrate a life with bells on. Have a good week.

BNP vs Eggs

Sorry there was no blog on Sunday. I had yet another computer problem. And then I was busy leaving my job and stuff. Ah well.

Now it seems that some of you didn’t vote on Thursday in the European election and because they use proportional representation that means that those of you who didn’t vote are now responsible for the BNP having 2 MEPs. It’s your own fault so you can’t complain.

For those of us who did vote and believe in freedom of speech today has thrown up one of those little debates that are sent to try us.
Legitimate MEP and convicted holocaust denier Nick Griffin wanted to hold a press conference outside of the House of Parliament to celebrate the fact that people in Liverpool couldn’t be bothered to vote but he was pelted with eggs by some anti-fascist group or other.
Now, whilst I approve of pelting fascists with eggs because it is very funny indeed, they also do have the right to have a press conference because some of you voted for them. They do have the freedom to say what they like (as long as it is within the law Mr Griffin) and this should be defended but people do also have the right to protest against them.

Shall we watch together as a tosser runs away form some eggs?




See, I told you it was funny. However this is not the funniest protest on YouTube. Ladies and Gentlemen I give you a press conference by Gary Kasparov set to music. Enjoy.



Hopefully I will get to a proper blog on Sunday as I have most of the month off so there are no excuses.

UKIP Fun

So, I know that I have gone on about how dull the “expenses” thing is, and it is, but I feel that there is one part that is being ignored.
With the European and local elections coming up this week many of the writers in the press have been going on about the rise of the smaller parties and a swing away from the 3 main parties. They are most worried about the BNP and UKIP. Rubbishing the claims of the BNP is fun but it is also too easy.
We did get a campaign leaflet from them a week or 2 ago and it was hilarious. Pictures of some people, who tuned out to be actors, some not from round here, and next to them some text. The text was not attributed to them but it was next to their picture. And then half way down the back of the leaflet were the names of some wars that Britain has won. What on earth does that have to do with anything?
In one of their leaflets they did attribute a quote to some one. That some one was former Scots Guards NCO Stuart Walker, who found his picture on a BNP leaflet and a suitable quote attached to his picture. When he phoned the BNP office to complain he was told to “fuck off”. That will win over the voters.
The current campaign for donations on the BNP website describes this election as “The Battle of Britain” and has a picture of a Spitfire in its graphics. The BNP do know that not all of the people flying planes for us during that battle were English, don’t they? I mean I don’t won’t to rain on their parade or anything (well I do) but there were quite a lot of Polish men flying planes for us. In fact 133 men flew for the Allied forces and were responsible for 8% of all the German planes shot down (according to Wikipedia). Some of them were even Black. Ah, ill-informed racism. What fun.

UKIP, on the other hand, are a little bit harder to get at. Yes they all seem to be white, middle aged, middle class men but that’s not really a very good criticism. How about…..umm….. Fraud?
Ok, let’s start with fraud. In 2004 a few UKIP members were actually taken seriously enough to get themselves elected to the European Parliament (sorry about that, think that might have been the South West’s fault.) but the good times didn’t last long. Ashley Mote, for instance, was expelled from the party for benefit fraud, he was later jailed and Tom Wise is now facing prosecution for alleged false accounting and money laundering relating to his EU expenses. It’s that word again kiddies so let’s move on to that then shall we? UKIP Leader Nigel Farage (is that a made up name?) said in a debate with former Europe minister Denis MacShane that he, Mr Farage, (made up name) had claimed and received in the region of £2million since 1999 in expenses. I’m sorry, is that the pot calling the kettle black? £2 million? Ok it’s over 10 years but that is still £200,000 per year on top of his salary. He did, of course, justify this by saying whilst MEPs were "very expensive", he was entirely happy that the money had been used for the best of causes." I.e. his. When pointed out to him that his expanses dwarfed that of any UK MP, you know the ones he has been complaining about he dismissed this be saying that his behaviour “endemic throughout the European Parliament.” Well that’s ok then. Isn’t that the sort of answer that would have turned his chinless face red with anger if a London MP had said that?
He also employs his wife in his office and pays her from his expenses. Another thing that our MPs have been criticised for. You know it’s getting bad when the BNP can land punches on you.

So as we can see The Telegraph has only given one certain part of the story but claims innocence over criticism that it’s reporting has made people think about voting for a minority party. Vote Green if you want to make a protest, hell, vote Green because it is a good thing to do but please get out there and vote on June the 4th.

BNP List, sorry for the swearing

Dear The BNP,
Oh come on, you have to admit that it is a bit funny. So a man publishes the names and address of your members on the internet. You don’t like this, which is sort of fair enough if you ask me, I mean you are all cunts but perhaps you should be allowed to be racist bastards in privacy, not sure, but how are you going to fight against this maybe injustice? Your leader, Nick Griffin, has admitted the party was relying on the Human Rights Act, based on EU legislation, which it opposes, to try to protect the privacy of its members. Oh the irony! It really is very funny indeed. Now disappointingly I can’t republish this list because it has been taken down form the blog that published it but you can look at this map which used the postcodes from the list to create this, http://www.bnpnearme.co.uk/. I do understand why some of your members might want to keep their identities hidden because you have teachers, soldiers and, most interestingly, policeman and woman. Now correct me if I’m wrong but I think police officers are banned form being members of the organisation for idiots. Oh and one other thing, a BNP spokesman, Simon Darby, said: "If we find out the name of the person who published this list it will turn out to be one of the most foolish things they have done in their life." does this sound like a threat of violence to you? It does to me but not that nice Mr Griffin insisted this did not represent a threat of violence but the reality that the person faced prison for breaching a high court injunction. Oh it is a thin line upon which you wobble, oh I do hope you fall off,

Yours hoping you just go away,
Martyn, no kisses because I hate you with every fibre of my being