Sunday, 1 November 2009

Diana Watch

We are going to start with a question and this one's for the ladies (oh god, I sound like some terrible RnB singer, although I'm not sure I actually know the names of any Male RnB singers). Has Wolf Whistling ever worked? Have you been walking down the street and some knuckle dragging cretin has whistled at you? And then did you think to yourself, that's the sort of man that I want to be with? Have you?
I only ask this because when we were sat in the pub on Monday evening waiting for the quiz to start and on a table close to ours were a couple of slightly worse for wear young men (I believe a birthday was being celebrated.). Every time a young lady walked past someone in the group let out the World’s most piss poor wolf whistle.
Of course, no good came of this. They did not leave the pub drippin' in honeys. In fact they left the pub because the bar staff stopped serving them as they were drunk and a bit rowdy.
My question, however, remains. Was it the weakness of the whistling that prevented the acquisition of lady love or the act it's self? I have to know.
Although there is always the possibility that they were actually herding sheep using a dog of some sort but this is a little unlikely given as it was in a pub, even if it was in Dorchester.

I know that my town is a little out of the way. Some may even say backward and those people would probably have a point but answer me this, does your town have the National Champion Town Crier? No, no it doesn't. And why is that? Because mine does.
Oh yes! For the third time in a row Alistair Chisholm has won the National Town Criers Challenge Cup. Can your town claim that it has this sort of quality living there? Well can it? No it can't. You may have Universities and Cathedrals and the such. You may have great shopping and excellent parks but we have the best Town Crier in all of the country.
You may be thinking to yourselves, “well there can't be that much competition for that sort of thing” and you would be wrong. Alistair beat 17 other completely pointless, tourist pleasing anachronisms for that title. I can see the posters now “Come to Dorchester and get shouted at by the best in the land.” It gives me a warm feeling inside.

We did paedophilia last week (if you'll forgive the expression) but for a new level in paranoia read this.
Although it does seem that it might not be as true as the papers would like to have us believe. Never let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Somali pirates have kidnapped a British couple and their boat. Now, I'm not going to criticise the couple who did exactly what they were advised not to because they might be taken captive. No. what I going to mention is, who did the Pirates call to make a ransom demand? Was it Sky news? Was it ITV? Was it Dave? No, it was the BBC. Even Somali pirates think the BBC is great.
According to BBC news since this spate in kidnappings has started companies have sprung up to act as intermediaries between Governments and families on one side and the Pirates on the other. They will sort out all sorts of things, such as dropping of the cash and arranging the rather specific requests about the cash i.e. they like very specific denominations and from between certain dates. Isn't Capitalism fantastic?

I have a new hero. That man is Prof. David Nutt. He was the government's advisor on drugs until he was fired on Friday for using science and reporting it dispassionately.
He criticised Government for completely ignoring the advice that he has been giving them on many subjects but mostly on Skunk. He accused them of devaluing scientific evidence in general in the way that they deciding to ignore it and make policy based on the headlines they might receive.
Dr Les King, a part time advisor to the Advisory Council on the Misuse of drugs, has now resigned over the sacking of its head, Prof. Nutt.
Who is going do that job now? If you don't speak out then you are quite clearly a wuss and if you do then you are going to be fired. It is like the medieval sage who tells the King that he might loose the battle and he has you killed. What is the next sage going to say? “Oh yes my liege, you is like going to well win.” in order to keep his head on his shoulders.

So Jimmy Carr told a joke. Now, because the joke isn't actually offensive here it is, "Say what you like about servicemen amputees from Iraq and Afghanistan, but we're going to have a fucking good Paralympics team in 2012."
Now I think that that is quite a funny joke but it is not offensive. It is not a joke about the injuries that have been suffered, nor is it making light of them. It is a joke about war and the way it affects people’s lives.
Our lovely tabloids seem to be trying to bring about a new Puritanism. I had thought that MP's would have learnt, after being made to look silly by Chris Morris and others, that if they didn't really know what they are talking about that they would keep their mouths shut but oh no. They are still rent-a-quotes and will be offended be anything in order to further their careers or up their profile. Whilst some MP's said some stupid things i.e. calling for Carr to quit, from what precisely?, the least thought though statement was given to the Daily Mirror. Diane Dernie, the mother of wounded soldier Ben Parkinson, said: "Soldiers are fighting for freedom of speech. I hope Carr remembers that when he makes offensive jokes ridiculing them." Yes they are. They are fighting for freedom of speech. So he can say it then? Think about what you are saying.
These people just want to be offended by something. They have no idea about subtext or subtlety of meaning. I assume that they think that Animal Farm is about some uppity pigs.

The Award for Funny Looking Bloke of the Week Whose Beard is Clearly Drawn On,

This really has to go to Colonel Gaddafi,


Another Sky-News-being-on-in-the-pub moment this. They had an interview with the noted bag of lunacy that is the leader of Libya on Monday evening but unfortunately the pub didn't have the subtitles on. This meant that the whole pub was transfixed by the plastianted face (like a Gunther von Hagens victim being operated by Jim Henson) of the former terrorist sponsor rather then barely being able to keep their beer down whilst guffawing at the paranoid dribble that he mistakes for coherent argument.

The Award for I Can't Believe They Still Have That Rule,

President Obama is to lift ban on HIV+ve people travelling to the US. Let's just run through that again. America still bans HIV+ve people travelling there. Still. And has done for 22 years. I'm sorry? I didn't know that they still had a ban. I mean, how backward are these people? Actually, don't bother answering that, it’s unfair. It’s not the people’s fault. Some of them are lovely I'm sure but their Country does seem to be a little, well, slow.
Whilst I was discussing this with Significant Other, she reminded me that a World HIV conference was held there but no one with the disease was allowed to travel to it. At least things are now beginning to change there.

The Award for Sad News of the Week,

The actor Norman Painter has died. He has been playing Philip Archer in the long running Radio 4 soap opera The Archers since 1950. He has also written over 1000 scripts for the programme. One of his wishes was to carry on working until he died and he got his way. He was in the studio 3 days before he died. His last episode will be broadcast on the 22nd of November. RIP.

So, just some British sports news to finish with. At the Cycling World Track Cup various Team GB cyclist have won pretty much everything. They have, yet again, shown that British cycling is the best in the world. Bow down before our pedals tiny people.

Hope you all have a nice week and I'll keep you informed about the health of my cat which has renal failure.

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