Diana Watch

If the subject line of an E-mail is “REGARDS” and then claims to be from a bank, am I right to assume that it is phishing?

 It continues “Dear Friend, Compliment of the day to you my name is Garry Loopy finance manager Bank of Scotland, I am contacting you to seek your partnership in a pending business project which i have here in my hand and ready to be executed without hitches,
Please if you are interested do respond back to me via email:
communicatewithgloopy1@live.com”.

 I’m right, phishing.

 Most people just use the “Report Phishing” button on their e-mail, others however take things a little further, Ladies and Gentlemen I give you ScamBaiters.com. Thank you to my friend Matthew Coffin for that website, he’s a Doctor you know, yes that’s right, Dr Coffin. What? It’s not funny. He’s a fine GP.

I was pretty sure that pretty much all the world was aware that Elton John is gay. I was certain that if I travelled to the deepest parts of the Amazon jungle and played the locals a clip of “Rocket Man” two things would happen, 1, they would immediately worship me as a God for being able to summon up music from nowhere and 2, they would say that the bloke singing it definitely likes men.

 It seems, however, that my completely reasonable assumption may have been wrong (that is not a phrase that I type lightly.) It is possible that confirmed and committed homophobe Rush Limbaugh might not be aware of Elton’s gayness.

 Rush has got married for the, oh fuck knows, 23^rd time or something and there was some entertainment. It is rumoured that he paid the lover of show tunes and promoter of civil partnerships about $1million to play at the wedding.

 For some reason I am thinking that the weddings invites stated a very clear dress code, everyone was asked to wear white, including the hood.

 To be honest I was surprised by Rush's choice of star turn at his wedding but I was really very disappointed with Elton's decision to do it (I’m sure my chastisement will sting him). It has become quite clear to me that Elton will sell out everything he believes in for money. Who cares what the paranoid, conspiracy toting bigot says as long as he has the cash.

 Some of the British press have been accusing the Obama administration of anti-British rhetoric, which I have to say I haven't noticed, I have just seen people who want to get a private company to clear up the mess they have made, but how have these papers dealt with this perceived attack on this green and pleasant Isle?  Why, with anti-Obama rhetoric that's how,

 

It is the grown up thing to do.

Although it does seem that BP may have done the decent thing and may have decided to with hold their dividend at least this time whilst they try and clear up the massive mess they have made.

Ok, so it might be possible for the fox attacks twins story to be true but what was fantastic was the beyond parody was the response of a local counsellor who was on the lunch time news on radio4 saying how he plans to deal with the fox “problem” and the huge amount of pictures in urban gardens that newspapers where able to print. One even went with “Is this the fox that attacked to children?” I don’t know right wing tabloid newspaper; the thing with foxes is they all look the same to me.

 Now, according to an expert in urban wildlife who was on the Today program he had only heard of 2 cases of foxes attacking children in their own homes, 1 of these turned out to be a German Shepard dog and the other was a cat.

I’m not saying that it didn’t happen exactly as the mother said it did, after all the children were admitted to hospital with some blood on them, I’m just saying that the calls for culling and the turning of the urban fox into a bigger threat to our way of life then the Taliban may have been a little tiny bit of an over reaction.

 To be honest the Press’ reaction to this story was beyond parody simply because it has already been parodied in The Simpsons. It was in an episode in which a bear wondered into Springfield for the first time ever, resulting in moral panic and the introduction of a bear tax to pay for the bear patrols. It may have been the first outing for the “Won’t somebody please think of the children” line, although I’m sure there is a Simpsons geek who will correct me on that.

 Oh and while we are talking about animals being picked on for just being themselves can I draw you attention to the Pod Delusion player just there on the left of the screen because it has a piece from me about the proposed cull of badgers in Wales, it’s quite good. Although since my piece went out the Badger Trust has decided to appeal the decision of the High Court and the Welsh Assembly has postponed the cull.

Is it time for some awards now? I think it is,

The Award for Short-Termism of the Worst Short,

Financial speaking Britain is in a little bit of a hole. We don’t have very much money to spend on nice things like hospitals and social services because some bankers ruined the economy (that doesn’t get mentioned as often as it should, we had to bail them out and they caused a recession, it’s their fault) and some cuts need to be made.

 We could spend less money on the NHS but that wouldn’t be very popular despite the fact that saving could be made be closing some services and merging others which would increase the quality of the service  but we can’t be bothered to explain that clearly to the voters and we just give in to whoever shouts the loudest. How about the Army? Merging it with the other services? Best not, that might be seen as not supporting our boys. Well can anyone think of a group that, despite the fact that they are really important to the long term prosperity of our country, no one likes? How about students? Brilliant!

 In an interview with the Guardian, David Willetts said that the cost of hundreds of thousands of students' degree courses was a "burden on the taxpayer that had to be tackled".Educating young people is a burden! Are we to assume that looking after the sick and elderly will become a burden!

 Ok, I’ll calm down a bit. I admit that there are some problems with further education. Some might say that the huge numbers of courses that are available, some of which are not the most intellectually challenging subjects you could imagine might be one of those problems and the slightly arbitrary Labour pledge to get 50% of young people into universities may have placed some extra strain on the system without an increased level of funding to match the rise in students number might be another, but to describe future Nurses, Doctors, Engineers, Designers, Teachers, Scientists etc as a burden? How else does Mr Willets think we are going to make money as a country unless we have the people to design and build products of the future?

 I know that it is easy to mock a Tory but it does seem that Mr Willets only wants rich people going to university. The paying of tuition fees is, in my opinion, wrong. If you get a decent degree and then a decent job you will pay more tax in the long run. You are paying back what you have taken from the state. Ok, some will not get great jobs and will not pay that much tax but is that a reason to make their lives even worse by starting their working careers with large debts?

 Well they only have to pay back their student loans when they start earning over £15,000 a year, is the return argument. That really isn’t a lot of money; it is £1,250 per month. I used to earn this, just, before tax, when I worked fulltime as Nursing Auxiliary, a job that required no qualifications at all, let alone a degree.

 He also suggested a free market on tuition fees with all Universities charging what they liked. This would, of course, mean that the best places would charge more so that only the very wealth could realistically go to say Oxford or Cambridge (some would say it is like that now) and the lesser places would charge, well umm, less, thus creating a 2 tier education system.

 It didn’t take them long before they started proposing policies that were aimed at helping the rich. There are some other stupid ideas such as, from the BBC Website, “the idea of students studying for a degree at any university in England, with lectures and classes being held at their local further education college or other institute.” Who is going to teach these lectures? As most colleges are full, where are the lessons going to take place? Oh it's just silly, really silly.

The Award for Services to Making Me Jump Up and Down A Bit,

Supergrass are to split up. They played their last show in the UK on Friday. I have had a soft spot for Supergrass since their first single “Caught by the Fuzz” and have loved them ever since. Bye Bye Supergrass, I will miss your excellent 3 minute pop soongs.

The Award for Best Football Related But Not World Cup Related Song,

Oh and for those who really don’t like football but do want to see the rather pompous way that it is reported on/advertise mocked a bit, here is some Mitchell and Webb,

Things that didn’t make it in this week,

Hydrogen fuel cell cars come to Britain, at last.

26 years after the Union Carbide factory in Bhopal vented poisonous cyanide gas into the air which killed an estimated 15,000 people (some estimates are considerable higher) and effected a further 500,000, 7 Indian Managers were found guilty of culpable homicide due to negligence. They have been sentenced to 2 years in prison.

 This has caused outrage in India and around the world. None of the US managers who worked for the company at the time were in court.

I hope you all have a lovely week. Try not to work to hard; it’s not good for you.

Diana Watch

I said it before, maybe not on here, but if you don't like MIA (A little more on her later) you are wrong. She is fantastic and her songs are brilliant. Her new video, however, is a little, I believe media types would say, edgy. It has been removed from YouTube because of it's nastiness and oh my, it is nasty.

 Judge for yourself,

 

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on http://vimeo.com">Vimeo.

 I think that I have become a little bogged down in trying to be serious and informative in the last few weeks and I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more light-hearted this week.

Those of you reading this the UK have to go out and vote on Thursday (if you can be arsed, which of course you can) but we haven't cover all the parties.

We all know that there are some fringe parties who have as silly policies such as the Cure (Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality) Party, The New Millennium Bean Party and Ukip.

These people are, however, new at this and, therefore, not so practised at the funny. For proper laugh out loud funny ideas I give you the Monster Raving William Hill Loony party (formerly the Monster Raving Loony Party, they are currently sponsored).

 Some of their policies include,

• All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one
• Make it illegal for superheroes to use their powers for evil
• Ban all terrorists from having beards as they look scary
• Change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers
• School dinners must be regularly checked for radioactivity
• Add the Loch Ness Monster to the endangered species list
• Dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work

• And a 99p pence coin to cut down on change.

Oh come on, those are proper funny. That is years of practised writing right there.

Anyone remember Sarah Palin? She once said something sensible and well thought through. Oh no, my mistake, it was “Drill baby, Drill”.

 Like everything that dribbles out of this barely sentient, moose killing, rabble rousing, gleefully, unashamedly ignorant distorter of facts whose lack of understand of science is revealed every time she opens her mouth (some on Twitter said that I should call her a bigot but wasn't sure if if I'd be forced to go to her house and apologise. Alaska is an awfully long way away), it was designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator in Right Wing US politics, now we can see how wrong she was (although to be fair President Obama did say that they would allow some new off-shore drilling).

 Last week an oil rig exploded and sank in the Gulf of Mexico and now the oil that is leaking from the well has started to arrive on the shores of the US.

 The US Coastguard estimate that 5 times as much oil as first thought is escaping in to the sea. The oil slick currently has a circumference of about 600 miles (970km) and covers about 28,600 sq miles (74,100 sq km) and heading for the delicate eco-systems of the Gulf coast, home to brown pelican, many species of duck, turtles, and whales.

 Many options have been considered for trying to prevent the oil making land fall including booming, literally penning it in, dispersal, spraying chemicals on to it, and, my personal favourite, burning it off. “Mummy can we go and watch the sea burn again today?”

 This disaster has had one very slight upside, the Obama administration has banned any new drilling until a complete investigation in to the explosion, fire and spill. This, however, is seen by the dictionary definition of uber-twat Rush Limbaugh as proof that the Obama people blew up the rig themselves, killing 11 workers in the process by the way, so that they could reverse their decision to allow off shore drilling.

Is Tin Tin racist? Well yes it is. It's depictions of black Africans are fucking awful but should it be banned? 

  Bienvenu Mbutu, who is from the Congo, is trying to get Tin Tin removed from the shelves in it's home country of Belgium because he claims the Congolese are portrayed as "stupid and without qualities".

 No, of course it shouldn't, as no book or film or pretty much anything else should. Yes it is racist but it is of it's time. This is not cultural relativism (I have learned that this was a folly of my youth, well it's ok because it's their culture) but it does show the genuine attitudes of the that period of history and that's the point, it's a historically document. It shows us what people at that time thought. It may offend our delicate, liberal eyes but that was how it was.

 If you ban this you then have to ban many other proper books (I hate Tin Tin), Sherlock Holmes, Moby Dick, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, all of these have poor racial stereotypes in, as do many, many other books. And were will it end? Then anything that offends various religious groups could be banned (and sometimes is in Britain), then Americans are offended by unflattering portrayals and try and get these things banned. Then before you know it the MIA video at the beginning of today's piece is being taken down from Youtube and an anti-bullying charity is saying that it could promote discrimination against gingers! “Quick! We can be offended and get our names on the news despite the fact that we completely missed the point!”

 Do films about the Holocaust encourage bullying of Jews? Of course they don't, these people are just idiots.

Some Awards now, 

The Award for Slightly Obscure British Sporting Success,

We have a European Mens Gymnastic Champion! Now, this may not be the greatest sporting news you have ever heard, obviously that was Bournemouth getting promoted last Saturday, but Britain has never had one before so very well done to Daniel Keatings. He won Sunday's pommel horse final in Birmingham by edging team-mate Louis Smith into second place.

The Award for Things That Are Unlikely To Work,

Hugo Chavez is now on twitter. That is Hugo “Live TV show that goes on for hours” Chavez. This is never going to work. 140 Characters? Him? This is never going to work. Unless, of course, it maybe one continuous message, typed in by some poor IT assistant, that goes on for tweet after tweet. Like Ulysses broken up into tiny, tiny parts.

The Award for Making Me Fell Uncomfortable For Agreeing With Someone That I Usually Think Is A Bully,

 Damn you BBC! Frankie Boyle made a joke in 2008 on a Radio 4 program called “Political Animal”. The joke went like this “I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well … that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew.”

 One person complained. One person. Not a huge amount of people, this was not Ross/Brand, this was not Jan Moir writing homophobic bile, this was one person and the BBC caved in. For the love of Twosh, what is wrong with these people? 

 The person who complained said that the joke was anti-Semitic, which it quite clearly isn't. Criticising Israel is not anti-Semitic; it is having a go at a Country that is illegally occupying the territory of another.

 Mr Boyle has written an open letter to the BBC on the Chortle.co.uk website in which he describes the broadcaster as “now cravenly afraid of giving offence and vulnerable to any kind of well-drilled lobbying”. He's get a point there I think.

I want to leave you to your bank holiday weekend (only in the UK) with a song. Because I haven’t had to mention the Catholic Church this week, here is a song dedicated to them. It’s childish and it's rude and it is very, very sweary, Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Tim Minchin's Pope Song,

Have a good week.

Diana Watch

Hello to all of you. I'm trying to make this weekly post a little shorter than it was last year because it did seem to go on a little. I will try and do more post in the week but I make no promise that I can't keep, do I look like Gordon Brown/David Cameron/Nick Clegg/Barack Obama*

 *Delete as applicable, according to your own political standing. Although you are reading this so I have some idea as to your political leanings.

 Something unspeakably terrible happened in Haiti this week. I'm sure you all know what it was and if you haven't already, you can donate here. Or text 'GIVE' to 70077 & donate £5 to the DEC Haiti earthquake appeal

  But whenever genuinely horrible things happen along comes some massive twat saying something so unbelievable obnoxious that you have to wonder how they have managed to get to being an old man without getting punched full in the face.

 Let us hope that this isn't the view of the US right wing, perhaps Rush Limbaugh (Super right wing duffus, radio show host and quite influential person with the Republican movement) has something a little more informed to say.

 The White House has set up a fund so that people can donate easy. In response to this he said “If you do that, you’ll probably just end up on an Obama campaign mailing list – and a big chunk of your donation will get siphoned off by government bureaucrats.” Well, so far so incredibly unpleasant and cynical but it gets worse, “You already give to Haitian relief – it’s called the income tax." What a really lovely, deeply religious (sic) person he is. Let us hope that if something unpleasant happens to him that he is helped by an atheist. White House press secretary Robert Gibbs called Limbaugh’s assertions "really stupid".

 As you can imagine many, many people have aired their opinions on how disgusting these two are but I think that the best take down of these two “men” of god came from Keith Olberman.

 I think that that's more than enough about these 2 who shouldn't be given the oxygen of publicity, maybe not even (to steal someone else's joke, I think it might have been the mighty Linda Smith) the oxygen of oxygen.

 Someone else who I’d be quite happy to ignore for the rest of her life is Sarah Palin but I fear that that is going to become increasingly hard. This week it has been announced that she has been signed by Fox News (which describe it’s self as “fair and balanced” on its website) as a “pundit”. Now I have to assume that on the bits of Fox News that aren’t fear mongering, race baiting, lie-athons, that they cover quite a lot of moose hunting and Skidoo racing because they can’t have hired her as a Political pundit. I’m not going to do a she’s-so-stupid-and-uninformed bit because it’s unfair and others have and will do it better than me but I don’t think we will be expecting in-depth analysis of complex political situations from her, do you?

OK, so time for the first awards of the year,

The Award for Least Relevant Mention of a Favoured Subject,

This goes to the Daily Mail. The story is a very sad one indeed. A woman was found dead in Kensington Gardens in London. It is thought she may have fallen though ice on the lake, dragged her self out but then froze to death. This an awful way to die and a waste of a life but what headline did the Mail run? “Body of young woman found 'frozen to death' just yards from Princess Diana's former home”. Beautiful. Well done to all involved.
 The article ends with a brief history lesson and reminder, “Kensington Palace was the official residence of Diana until her death in 1997. It has been a residence used by the Royal Family since the 17th century.”

The Award for Getting Stupid things Banned,

  Under pressure from the right wing press the Government has decided to ban Islam4UK (which is the worst name for a group ever) citing terrorism concerns without offering any evidence at all. Now whilst I agree that their message is nasty and their choice of venue for their protest march was a little poor (let's be honest, we all knew that they weren't going to do it), it was designed to get them publicity and the press duly gave them their wish.

 So have we now started to ban groups that we don't agree with? Is this how we protect our freedoms, by limiting them? If we are going to ban groups that we consider to be offensive may I recommend the Conservative Party.

 The Award for Completely Ignoring Really Important News Because You Actually Agree With the Decision But It Was Made By People You Hate,

 This goes to the Daily Mail (again, sorry but they've had a good week) who have not covered a story at all (well not on the website anyway, I'm not buying that shit to see if they covered it there). They haven't touched it all because a organisation that they hate almost as much as Muslims got involved in UK law but did something that they agree with, can you image the soul searching (if they have souls at the Mail) that went on over whether to cover this or not.

 Over the horizon rode the 4 horsemen of Bureaucracy otherwise known as Europe. The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that the Stopping and Searching people without reasonable suspicion (which the police are currently allowed to do under section44 of the terrorism act 2000, we've got a War on Terror you know) is “not in accordance with the law”. So if you are in London and a Policeman asks you why you are taking pictures of famous landmarks and points of interest and he/she then asks to search your bag or trys to confiscate your camera, he/she is breaking the law.

 I know you understand this and I understand this but do the right-wing press, The EU is protecting your rights to go about your life without interference from the Government. First a European Constitution and now this, it must hard for you Euro-Sceptic types.

 See how the new shorter version of this still goes on a bit. Sorry about that, but if you have made it this fair, thanks.

 Have a good week, I'm off to wait for some men to deliver a new washing machine and the most exact time they could give us for expected deilivery was “Sunday”. Thanks for that. Although Boiler Servicing man who's coming tomorrow wasn't much more helpful, “We'll be there on Monday”. Sigh.