Diana Watch

If the subject line of an E-mail is “REGARDS” and then claims to be from a bank, am I right to assume that it is phishing?

 It continues “Dear Friend, Compliment of the day to you my name is Garry Loopy finance manager Bank of Scotland, I am contacting you to seek your partnership in a pending business project which i have here in my hand and ready to be executed without hitches,
Please if you are interested do respond back to me via email:
communicatewithgloopy1@live.com”.

 I’m right, phishing.

 Most people just use the “Report Phishing” button on their e-mail, others however take things a little further, Ladies and Gentlemen I give you ScamBaiters.com. Thank you to my friend Matthew Coffin for that website, he’s a Doctor you know, yes that’s right, Dr Coffin. What? It’s not funny. He’s a fine GP.

I was pretty sure that pretty much all the world was aware that Elton John is gay. I was certain that if I travelled to the deepest parts of the Amazon jungle and played the locals a clip of “Rocket Man” two things would happen, 1, they would immediately worship me as a God for being able to summon up music from nowhere and 2, they would say that the bloke singing it definitely likes men.

 It seems, however, that my completely reasonable assumption may have been wrong (that is not a phrase that I type lightly.) It is possible that confirmed and committed homophobe Rush Limbaugh might not be aware of Elton’s gayness.

 Rush has got married for the, oh fuck knows, 23^rd time or something and there was some entertainment. It is rumoured that he paid the lover of show tunes and promoter of civil partnerships about $1million to play at the wedding.

 For some reason I am thinking that the weddings invites stated a very clear dress code, everyone was asked to wear white, including the hood.

 To be honest I was surprised by Rush's choice of star turn at his wedding but I was really very disappointed with Elton's decision to do it (I’m sure my chastisement will sting him). It has become quite clear to me that Elton will sell out everything he believes in for money. Who cares what the paranoid, conspiracy toting bigot says as long as he has the cash.

 Some of the British press have been accusing the Obama administration of anti-British rhetoric, which I have to say I haven't noticed, I have just seen people who want to get a private company to clear up the mess they have made, but how have these papers dealt with this perceived attack on this green and pleasant Isle?  Why, with anti-Obama rhetoric that's how,

 

It is the grown up thing to do.

Although it does seem that BP may have done the decent thing and may have decided to with hold their dividend at least this time whilst they try and clear up the massive mess they have made.

Ok, so it might be possible for the fox attacks twins story to be true but what was fantastic was the beyond parody was the response of a local counsellor who was on the lunch time news on radio4 saying how he plans to deal with the fox “problem” and the huge amount of pictures in urban gardens that newspapers where able to print. One even went with “Is this the fox that attacked to children?” I don’t know right wing tabloid newspaper; the thing with foxes is they all look the same to me.

 Now, according to an expert in urban wildlife who was on the Today program he had only heard of 2 cases of foxes attacking children in their own homes, 1 of these turned out to be a German Shepard dog and the other was a cat.

I’m not saying that it didn’t happen exactly as the mother said it did, after all the children were admitted to hospital with some blood on them, I’m just saying that the calls for culling and the turning of the urban fox into a bigger threat to our way of life then the Taliban may have been a little tiny bit of an over reaction.

 To be honest the Press’ reaction to this story was beyond parody simply because it has already been parodied in The Simpsons. It was in an episode in which a bear wondered into Springfield for the first time ever, resulting in moral panic and the introduction of a bear tax to pay for the bear patrols. It may have been the first outing for the “Won’t somebody please think of the children” line, although I’m sure there is a Simpsons geek who will correct me on that.

 Oh and while we are talking about animals being picked on for just being themselves can I draw you attention to the Pod Delusion player just there on the left of the screen because it has a piece from me about the proposed cull of badgers in Wales, it’s quite good. Although since my piece went out the Badger Trust has decided to appeal the decision of the High Court and the Welsh Assembly has postponed the cull.

Is it time for some awards now? I think it is,

The Award for Short-Termism of the Worst Short,

Financial speaking Britain is in a little bit of a hole. We don’t have very much money to spend on nice things like hospitals and social services because some bankers ruined the economy (that doesn’t get mentioned as often as it should, we had to bail them out and they caused a recession, it’s their fault) and some cuts need to be made.

 We could spend less money on the NHS but that wouldn’t be very popular despite the fact that saving could be made be closing some services and merging others which would increase the quality of the service  but we can’t be bothered to explain that clearly to the voters and we just give in to whoever shouts the loudest. How about the Army? Merging it with the other services? Best not, that might be seen as not supporting our boys. Well can anyone think of a group that, despite the fact that they are really important to the long term prosperity of our country, no one likes? How about students? Brilliant!

 In an interview with the Guardian, David Willetts said that the cost of hundreds of thousands of students' degree courses was a "burden on the taxpayer that had to be tackled".Educating young people is a burden! Are we to assume that looking after the sick and elderly will become a burden!

 Ok, I’ll calm down a bit. I admit that there are some problems with further education. Some might say that the huge numbers of courses that are available, some of which are not the most intellectually challenging subjects you could imagine might be one of those problems and the slightly arbitrary Labour pledge to get 50% of young people into universities may have placed some extra strain on the system without an increased level of funding to match the rise in students number might be another, but to describe future Nurses, Doctors, Engineers, Designers, Teachers, Scientists etc as a burden? How else does Mr Willets think we are going to make money as a country unless we have the people to design and build products of the future?

 I know that it is easy to mock a Tory but it does seem that Mr Willets only wants rich people going to university. The paying of tuition fees is, in my opinion, wrong. If you get a decent degree and then a decent job you will pay more tax in the long run. You are paying back what you have taken from the state. Ok, some will not get great jobs and will not pay that much tax but is that a reason to make their lives even worse by starting their working careers with large debts?

 Well they only have to pay back their student loans when they start earning over £15,000 a year, is the return argument. That really isn’t a lot of money; it is £1,250 per month. I used to earn this, just, before tax, when I worked fulltime as Nursing Auxiliary, a job that required no qualifications at all, let alone a degree.

 He also suggested a free market on tuition fees with all Universities charging what they liked. This would, of course, mean that the best places would charge more so that only the very wealth could realistically go to say Oxford or Cambridge (some would say it is like that now) and the lesser places would charge, well umm, less, thus creating a 2 tier education system.

 It didn’t take them long before they started proposing policies that were aimed at helping the rich. There are some other stupid ideas such as, from the BBC Website, “the idea of students studying for a degree at any university in England, with lectures and classes being held at their local further education college or other institute.” Who is going to teach these lectures? As most colleges are full, where are the lessons going to take place? Oh it's just silly, really silly.

The Award for Services to Making Me Jump Up and Down A Bit,

Supergrass are to split up. They played their last show in the UK on Friday. I have had a soft spot for Supergrass since their first single “Caught by the Fuzz” and have loved them ever since. Bye Bye Supergrass, I will miss your excellent 3 minute pop soongs.

The Award for Best Football Related But Not World Cup Related Song,

Oh and for those who really don’t like football but do want to see the rather pompous way that it is reported on/advertise mocked a bit, here is some Mitchell and Webb,

Things that didn’t make it in this week,

Hydrogen fuel cell cars come to Britain, at last.

26 years after the Union Carbide factory in Bhopal vented poisonous cyanide gas into the air which killed an estimated 15,000 people (some estimates are considerable higher) and effected a further 500,000, 7 Indian Managers were found guilty of culpable homicide due to negligence. They have been sentenced to 2 years in prison.

 This has caused outrage in India and around the world. None of the US managers who worked for the company at the time were in court.

I hope you all have a lovely week. Try not to work to hard; it’s not good for you.

Oil, Oil Everywhere

Ah, do you remember how it used to be? Smoking was good for you, women knew their place, and oysters had “never had it so good.”

Oh how times have changed (for the better by the way).

Some progress has finally been made with the massive oil fountain on the bottom of the Gulf of Mexico but oil is still pouring into the sea and Tony "The Gulf of Mexico is a big ocean. The amount of oil and dispersant we are putting into it is tiny in relation to the total water volume" Hayward, BP’s Chief Executive, is coming under increasing pressure, quite a lot of it from President Obama. He has said that if Mr Hayward worked for him that, with their poor response to the crisis and as series of slightly offensive statements such as “I want my life back” which has been seen as disrespectful to the memory of the workers who died when the rig exploded, he would fire him. He also wonders whose ass he can/should kick,

 A question that will be investigated will be do BP do enough to stop the oil reaching the shore, some think not,

BP has also announced that it is going to set up a new company that will take full responsibility for the clean up operation. It is to be run by an American in an attempt to try and stop some of the anti-British sentiments that have allegedly been following from the US.

 Whilst the company will be separate from BP its finances will come from the mother-company.

 Is this an attempt by the company, as they claim, to concentrate on the disaster or is it an attempt, by under funding a separate company, to limit the direct financial impact on BP. Only time will tell.

  In the meantime oil still pours out of the well and continues to wash up on the coast.

Diana Watch

 The Daily Express really does live in a little puddle of its own reality and it has proved it twice this week.

 
  Firstly they were kind enough to provide another fine Princess Diana headline,

 

But early in the week that proved that they have learnt nothing from our lovely financial crisis,

Tossers.

Violence is pretty much always wrong, it is very difficult to justify it without sounding like a bit of a thug but I think we may have a case here where it may just be possible.

 A Saudi Arabian has beaten up a policeman in the eastern Saudi city of Al-Mubarraz. This may just sound like a night out in an English city but this has caused a little bit of a stir as Saudi woman are supposed to do as they are told.  

 The lady in question was walking in a park with a male escort; this act may have been illegal because it is against the law for unmarried men and woman to mix. Now I think that that is going to make meeting someone a little harder but hey, it’s not the worst human rights violation that happens in that country. Anyway back to the story. They were approached by a member of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, basically the Saudi religious Police, who wanted to know their relationship to each other as this may have been an illegal fraternization.

 The young man collapsed to the ground for reason unknown when questioned by God’s rule enforcer on earth (although God did also tell us to go forth and multiply which becomes a little more difficult if you can’t meet chicks) and at this point the lady, who until recently had been having a nice walk in the park, suddenly attacked the Hai’a. She, apparently, punched him repeatedly leaving him requiring hospital treatment for bruises across his body and face.

 Now, like I said earlier, it is hard to justify violence but how pissed off do you have to be to do this? This is years of institutionalized oppression and misogyny finally boiling over into one action of rage, either that or it was just a bit of PMT! (That was a joke, a joke using irony. It was an ironic joke about misogyny)

 Will this be an example to other woman in Saudi Arabia to rise up and demand more freedoms? Let’s hope so then they to may have proper political representation like we do here, ok we only have 4 woman in the Cabinet but hey, that is one more than Afghanistan so I think the point stands.

President Obama has set up a Presidential commission to investigate the oil leak in Gulf of Mexico. This comes as sheets of oil have started washing up in marshes and on beaches in remote areas of south Louisiana and “experts” (I hate that word) say that BP has massively underestimated the amount of oil spewing from it’s fractured well a mile under the surface of the sea. They say it could be up to 10 times as much as the BP estimate of 5000 barrels a day.

BP also admits that their stop it leaking plans are going less than well. They have been trying to siphon on the gushing oil into tankers on the surface but the amount that they have been able to collect is dropping, from 5,000 barrels on Wednesday to 2,200 barrels on Thursday. Let us again remember that they are losing an estimated 50,000 a day into the sea. They still have no plan to cap the well.

 The way the companies involved blamed each other when they were hauled up in front of a Senate hearing and what we have learned about the contracting and subcontracting is the best argument against privatised Nuclear power that I can think of.

 Would you like a nuclear power plant built and run by the cheapest bidder? Oh and the maintenance carry out by the cheapest bidder who sub-contracts it out to another company, who were also the cheapest bidder. And then remember that all of these companies have to make a profit. Do you really think that corners would not be cut?

 Oh and then the Nuclear power plants will have to decommissioned by a private company, who will sub-contract it out, and the nuclear waste will then have to be stored, which we can’t yet do safely for the long term and by “the long term” I mean the thousands of years until this stuff is safe.

I am try to keep it short now so lets move straight on to this weeks awards,

The Award for Just Being Funny,

Some men, a bouncy castle and an International sailing regatta, what's not to find funny,

The Award for Just Being Funny 2,

It’s not been a good couple of weeks for Princes Charles; firstly his mother still isn’t dead (despite a joke on this very subject from a BBC Radio presenter) so he still isn’t King. Then the Prince's Foundation for Integrated Health was closed down because of alleged fraud and money-laundering, oh and promoting bollocks, and now Prince Charles is named in a legal proceeding for his part in interfering in the development of the Chelsea Barracks.

  Lord Rogers (one of luddite Prince Charles’ least favourite architects) designed a really rather lovely conversion for the barracks in steel and glass for the Candy Brothers who where working with a Qatari company all or partly owned by the Qatari royal family.

 When Prince “interfering, unelected busy body” Charles saw the designs he decided to write to the Royal family of Qatar personally saying that his “heart sank” when he saw the designs, this is probably because they look like buildings for the 21^st century and not the 17^th and 18^th, the ones he like the best, what with the power of the Royal family back then and all.

 Lord Grabiner QC, representing the Candy Brothers said “He urged Sheik Hamad bin Jasim to reconsider the plan before it was too late and attached a scheme by a different, classical architect he preferred," That really sounds like interfering to me. 

The Qatari company pulled out of the deal because they didn’t want to openly disagree with Prince Charles with the say-so of the Qatari Royal family.

 Nick and Christian Candy are claiming the Qatari company breached the terms of their contract and must now make the payment that was due when Lord Rogers' scheme won the approval of planners.

 Whilst I am still chuckling to myself about Prince “ooh and nasty looking housing estate will look lovely just here on my land despite the fact that we will provided no extra essential services for these houses” Charles’ little problems have a look at the nominations for this years RIBA Awards, click here to view them, this is the sort of imagination we need in our domestic and public building.

This is a little cheeky but I am, sort of, friends with a couple of members of this band and they are going to re-release their EP so here is an advert for it,

You can buy it on itunes or go to their myspace for more details.

There will definitely be no Diana Watch next week as I will be attending the Hay Festival with significant other. Yes, it is a little pretentious but it is also rather fun. We are camping for 5 days so let’s hope that the weather remains nice. Oh and we are also popping in to the Hay Philosophy Festival just to add to the pretentiousness of our, rather long, weekend. Although to be honest we’re only going there because Robin Ince is playing. Books and walking in the Welsh countryside, who could ask for more?

 Have a lovely week and I’ll be back later.

Diana Watch

I said it before, maybe not on here, but if you don't like MIA (A little more on her later) you are wrong. She is fantastic and her songs are brilliant. Her new video, however, is a little, I believe media types would say, edgy. It has been removed from YouTube because of it's nastiness and oh my, it is nasty.

 Judge for yourself,

 

M.I.A, Born Free from ROMAIN-GAVRAS on http://vimeo.com">Vimeo.

 I think that I have become a little bogged down in trying to be serious and informative in the last few weeks and I’m not very good at it. I’m trying to be more light-hearted this week.

Those of you reading this the UK have to go out and vote on Thursday (if you can be arsed, which of course you can) but we haven't cover all the parties.

We all know that there are some fringe parties who have as silly policies such as the Cure (Citizens for Undead Rights and Equality) Party, The New Millennium Bean Party and Ukip.

These people are, however, new at this and, therefore, not so practised at the funny. For proper laugh out loud funny ideas I give you the Monster Raving William Hill Loony party (formerly the Monster Raving Loony Party, they are currently sponsored).

 Some of their policies include,

• All socks to be sold in packs of 3 as a precaution against losing one
• Make it illegal for superheroes to use their powers for evil
• Ban all terrorists from having beards as they look scary
• Change the English symbol of three lions to 3 badgers
• School dinners must be regularly checked for radioactivity
• Add the Loch Ness Monster to the endangered species list
• Dedicated pogo stick lanes on routes to centres of work

• And a 99p pence coin to cut down on change.

Oh come on, those are proper funny. That is years of practised writing right there.

Anyone remember Sarah Palin? She once said something sensible and well thought through. Oh no, my mistake, it was “Drill baby, Drill”.

 Like everything that dribbles out of this barely sentient, moose killing, rabble rousing, gleefully, unashamedly ignorant distorter of facts whose lack of understand of science is revealed every time she opens her mouth (some on Twitter said that I should call her a bigot but wasn't sure if if I'd be forced to go to her house and apologise. Alaska is an awfully long way away), it was designed to appeal to the lowest common denominator in Right Wing US politics, now we can see how wrong she was (although to be fair President Obama did say that they would allow some new off-shore drilling).

 Last week an oil rig exploded and sank in the Gulf of Mexico and now the oil that is leaking from the well has started to arrive on the shores of the US.

 The US Coastguard estimate that 5 times as much oil as first thought is escaping in to the sea. The oil slick currently has a circumference of about 600 miles (970km) and covers about 28,600 sq miles (74,100 sq km) and heading for the delicate eco-systems of the Gulf coast, home to brown pelican, many species of duck, turtles, and whales.

 Many options have been considered for trying to prevent the oil making land fall including booming, literally penning it in, dispersal, spraying chemicals on to it, and, my personal favourite, burning it off. “Mummy can we go and watch the sea burn again today?”

 This disaster has had one very slight upside, the Obama administration has banned any new drilling until a complete investigation in to the explosion, fire and spill. This, however, is seen by the dictionary definition of uber-twat Rush Limbaugh as proof that the Obama people blew up the rig themselves, killing 11 workers in the process by the way, so that they could reverse their decision to allow off shore drilling.

Is Tin Tin racist? Well yes it is. It's depictions of black Africans are fucking awful but should it be banned? 

  Bienvenu Mbutu, who is from the Congo, is trying to get Tin Tin removed from the shelves in it's home country of Belgium because he claims the Congolese are portrayed as "stupid and without qualities".

 No, of course it shouldn't, as no book or film or pretty much anything else should. Yes it is racist but it is of it's time. This is not cultural relativism (I have learned that this was a folly of my youth, well it's ok because it's their culture) but it does show the genuine attitudes of the that period of history and that's the point, it's a historically document. It shows us what people at that time thought. It may offend our delicate, liberal eyes but that was how it was.

 If you ban this you then have to ban many other proper books (I hate Tin Tin), Sherlock Holmes, Moby Dick, The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, all of these have poor racial stereotypes in, as do many, many other books. And were will it end? Then anything that offends various religious groups could be banned (and sometimes is in Britain), then Americans are offended by unflattering portrayals and try and get these things banned. Then before you know it the MIA video at the beginning of today's piece is being taken down from Youtube and an anti-bullying charity is saying that it could promote discrimination against gingers! “Quick! We can be offended and get our names on the news despite the fact that we completely missed the point!”

 Do films about the Holocaust encourage bullying of Jews? Of course they don't, these people are just idiots.

Some Awards now, 

The Award for Slightly Obscure British Sporting Success,

We have a European Mens Gymnastic Champion! Now, this may not be the greatest sporting news you have ever heard, obviously that was Bournemouth getting promoted last Saturday, but Britain has never had one before so very well done to Daniel Keatings. He won Sunday's pommel horse final in Birmingham by edging team-mate Louis Smith into second place.

The Award for Things That Are Unlikely To Work,

Hugo Chavez is now on twitter. That is Hugo “Live TV show that goes on for hours” Chavez. This is never going to work. 140 Characters? Him? This is never going to work. Unless, of course, it maybe one continuous message, typed in by some poor IT assistant, that goes on for tweet after tweet. Like Ulysses broken up into tiny, tiny parts.

The Award for Making Me Fell Uncomfortable For Agreeing With Someone That I Usually Think Is A Bully,

 Damn you BBC! Frankie Boyle made a joke in 2008 on a Radio 4 program called “Political Animal”. The joke went like this “I've been studying Israeli army martial arts. I now know 16 ways to kick a Palestinian woman in the back. People think that the Middle East is very complex but I have an analogy that sums it up quite well. If you imagine that Palestine is a big cake, well … that cake is being punched to pieces by a very angry Jew.”

 One person complained. One person. Not a huge amount of people, this was not Ross/Brand, this was not Jan Moir writing homophobic bile, this was one person and the BBC caved in. For the love of Twosh, what is wrong with these people? 

 The person who complained said that the joke was anti-Semitic, which it quite clearly isn't. Criticising Israel is not anti-Semitic; it is having a go at a Country that is illegally occupying the territory of another.

 Mr Boyle has written an open letter to the BBC on the Chortle.co.uk website in which he describes the broadcaster as “now cravenly afraid of giving offence and vulnerable to any kind of well-drilled lobbying”. He's get a point there I think.

I want to leave you to your bank holiday weekend (only in the UK) with a song. Because I haven’t had to mention the Catholic Church this week, here is a song dedicated to them. It’s childish and it's rude and it is very, very sweary, Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Tim Minchin's Pope Song,

Have a good week.

President Schwarzenegger Anyone?

Sarah Palin has said, as a criticism of President Obama, that the US “we need a commander in chief, not a professor of law, standing at the lectern”. We don't need clever people just someone to sit there and point.

Why don't Republicans like people who can think? Oh and then, at some Tea Baggers event, she mocked the Presidents use of auto-cue. This is fine as long as you are not looking at notes you have written on your hand.

It must be nice for Satirists when you jokes turn out to be a little closer to the bone than you thought,

I know that I am only one person and that my opinion is not that important but I would quite like the leader of my country to be the smartest person in the room. The sort of person that can understand complicated arguments and make difficult decisions based on all the available facts not someone who thinks that looking good on camera is the only quality you need to be a great leader.

Please can we put a stop to this now. I am calling for mandatory IQ tests for all politicians. If it's not over 120 then you can't come and play. I know it seems harsh and patronising but think about it, would you let your stupid friend run the country just because they looked quite pretty? No, of course you wouldn't, oh and if you can't think of a stupid friend then you are your friends stupid friend.

Diana Watch

So let me get this straight, did the Nobel Committee give Barack Obama the peace prize for what he wants to do? I want to bring World peace and invent a cure for cancer but no one gives me a prize for that. The closing date for entries (yes even the Nobel Prize has a closing date) is sometime in February, which was about a fortnight after President Obama took office. I'm sure that he is a great man and will achieve great things but come on, a Nobel Peace Prize for 2 weeks work?
The problem is that people, I'm looking at you Fox News and most Republicans, will see this as a reason to bash him. They will see it as proof that he is giving away American power and influence. That he is buddying up (I believe that is the American phrase) to leaders and Countries that are not America. That others from outside of the US have some influence over their President, (some see the prize as the rest of the world saying “well done, carry on like that. We (the rest of the world) like what you are doing”) who they are going to criticise what ever he does. If he bought JFK back from the dead and sat down to dinner with God it would be called a political gimmick.

Ah, political gimmick. A phrase that should haunt Chris “It's like The Wire round here” Grayling, Shadow Home Secretary, to his political grave (see, I'm fair minded, not actual death, just swift political death).
This week, when told that Ex-head of the British Army Sir Richard Danet was joining a political party as an advisor he, for some odd reason given Sir Richard's constant hectoring of Gordon Brown, though that it was the Labour party and said that he hoped it wasn't a “political gimmick”.
The fun thing was that he was, in fact, joining the Conservatives. This was, of course, not a political gimmick or stunt but a very welcome and important appointment.
Later that day he went on to announce another poorly thought through, headline grabbing, short term policy. His “brilliant plan”, increase tax on cheap, high strength alcohol such as beer and cider. You'll note, not spirits.
These plans just won't work though. They don't tackle the problem of why people drink but nobody wants to tackle this problem because it is hard and complicated. It won't be sorted out with just a tax increase or a “crack down on anti-social behaviour”. If he had done some proper research rather than just reaching for his copy of “Tory Knee-jerk Reactions” he wound have found that this sort of scheme was tried in Australia and it didn't work. Spirits sales went up by 50%. Young people got drunk on them instead.

Before I leave the Nobel's completely, let's big up Chinese born British scientist Charles Kao who has won Nobel prize for physics for perfecting Fibre optic cables. He is sharing the prize with 2 others who invented the chip/sensor at the centre of the digital camera that converts light into digital data.

Many companies stand for nothing except making money and we should have no time for them but Apple have done something a little bit interesting. I would like to say that I read this in the Washington Post but I didn't, someone posted a link on Twitter.
Apple have left the US Chamber of Commerce because of it's position on climate change. IE Apple think it's a bad thing and something should be done and the Chamber of Commerce don't.
Now this may not seem like that much but Apple is a massive company and has a lot of money and, therefore, influence and it is standing up for what it believes in and taking it's money with it. This will leave an Apple shaped hole in the finances of the Chambers of Commerce and may make them think about their position a little more carefully.
Another company that has been thinking about it's position is Waitrose, a UK supermarket, which has this week pulled it's advertising from Fox News and related companies after it's customers complained about them using these channels. Their complaints were, of course, about Glenn Beck and Waitrose giving his programme and channel money.
Does anyone not know about Glenn Beck? My God he is horrid. He cries. That's his thing. On air. About pretty much anything. Let's have a look at that shall we,



awful isn't it.
It is not just this that normal people have a problem with; there is also his easily bought opinion. Before he took his current job on Fox he did a series of “bits” on how bad the US health system is. He had an operation and didn't find the whole thing much fun,



However, now that he is on Fox and taking the Murdoch dollar he is perfectly willing to completely switch his position saying that it is the best health care system in the World.



Ok ,vested interests and all that, lying to keep your job is one thing and at least it took about 18 months (and a new employer) to change his mind but he can change his mind much more quickly than that.



President Obama is a racist, I'm not saying he's a racist, he's a racist. All in about 3 minutes. Nice work.
Then gaze upon this incredible amount of squirming when he was asked about it and what he meant by “white culture”.



His show has lost an awful lot of advertising since his “Obama is a Racist” outburst.

Because of the, usual, high levels of cynicism that goes on here I would like to do an “and finally” style story.
I'm not a sentimental person, although I do have a square vase that I won't get rid of despite the fact that it is cracked because it was given to me by a friend, but this warmed my heart. Ed Miliband, Climate Change Secretary, was on a Russian radio phone in show to talk about well umm, climate change. One of the callers claimed to be a Miliband as well. They had a little chat and it turned out that she was, indeed related, albeit distantly, to him.
So what else could he do? After the phone in show he went round to see her. They shared a cup of tea and some photographs. She showed very little interest in what he does for a living.

The Award for Surprising Statistic of the Week,

Paris may be my favourite place in the World. We had our honeymoon there. I wanted to move there and still do. An apartment in Montmartre would be my dream. Close to my favourite restaurant in all the world. The art, the food, the architecture, it is fantastic. Heck, I also love the French. The way they dress. Their disdain for the rest of the world's culture.
So why on earth can you know get a big Mac at the Louvre?
This is a perplexing question but I learnt something this week. Despite the mutual antagonism on both sides of the Atlantic, France seems to have the most McDonald's outside of the US.
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! It can't be true! Tell me it's not true! Oh well may have move to Italy. I could write about Silvio Berlusconi every week then, at least he's funny, unlike Gordon Brown. Although it is possible that Berlusconi is beyond satire. Surely he's a cartoon character.

The Award for Hypocrite of the Week,

This goes to one of the directors of the Tax Payers Alliance, Mr Alexander Heath , who, it turns out, pays no tax in this country.
For those who don't know the “Tax Payers Alliance” ( I put them in inverted commas because they claim to represent tax payers but these nasty little Right-Wing reactionary rent-a-quotes certainly don't represent me.) they pop up to criticise any Government spending plans or are always “shocked” when some wastage is found in Central or Local Government.
If you don't pay tax you can't complain about OUR taxes are spent, simple as that. In the way, if you don't vote, you can't complain about the Government, which was a favourite of my Grandma.

The Award for Least Surprising Thing of the Week,

Really GMTV, what did you expect to happen?
A GMTV presenter say “fuck” live on air. Twice. Well it was more like “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck”, followed by, when the cord snapped tight and pulled him skyward again, “fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck”. This is what happens if you let a man, who has never done it before, bungee jump live on air.
To be honest, having now seen the footage and not just relying on the Daily Mail's website, he only really said “ffffffffffuuuuu” twice but they still apologised for it. There were, of course, calls from the puritanical press for the reporter to be sacked. Oh do please stop it. A mistake was made and an apology was given, no one died, please leave it at that.



The jump is about 4 minutes in.

The Award for Amusing Quote of the Week,

106 year old woman is to be moved from her nursing home to another one. The Council want to close hers because it doesn't come up to standard. Her family went to the high court to try and stop this but failed. After the hearing her son made a statement and said that he was worried that “she would die before her time”. She's 106, “her time” was sometime last century.

Ok, I’m off now, have a good week my friends.

Diana Watch

Sorry about last week xx I had no internet connection so couldn't post anything. To be honest it was my fault that the internet broke. “How hard can it be to set up a small network of 2 computers at home?” I thought to myself. It turns out that it is quite hard. Many odd things happened to our PC so I had to restore factory settings and then I couldn't re-install the modem drivers and other techy nonsense, so no internet access. Sorry again, but no one complained.

I think we shall only have a short blog this week because I haven't really been concentrating on the news that much. Had some stuff on my mind. I know I don't usually use this for personal stuff but that's not going to stop me.
I have got a new job. Well a bit of one. I'm going to work part-time, to start with, in a new GP surgery in Weymouth. I have handed in my notice and my last working day at my current place of work, were I have been for roughly 16 years, is June 8th.
I have to be honest; I'm a little scared for several reasons. It's a new post so I not completely sure what I'm going to be doing and for a while it is going to be part-time and I am going to have to continue to work in the hospital as a bank nurse so my income is going to be unreliable for a while. I'm not a risk taker. OK, so I've bungee jumped and rode my bike off of things but those were only transient things. This is money. My mortgage payments people but I'm sure it will be fine. It will be fine. Please tell me it will be fine. Like I said, I've worked in the same place for 16 years with a constant income, oh god, what have I done?
No, it will be good for me. I need a change.

Some news has happened this week but it has mostly been about MPs expenses, still. Today is day 17 of the Daily Telegraph doing exactly what I predicted they would. Every day they publish the expenses of 4 or 5 MPs and manage to cause a bit of a fuss.
Now, whilst I agree that some of the expenses are a little outlandish and some border on fraud, I'm still not that interested. Is it getting so much coverage because it is really easy to understand, it's poorly reported sometimes but it's easy to understand, unlike the financial crisis which seems to be taking up very few column inches at the moment. We need to have a national debate (horrid phrase) about the national finances. How are we going to pay for this new massive level of debt? Are we going to cutting funding for the NHS and Schools? Or the Armed Forces? What reform of banking do we need to stop these things happening again? These are the important issues not second home allowances.
The one thing that has come out of all this tedium is the ever present class difference between the 2 main parties and what they spend their ill-gotten gains upon. Working class Labour people spend their money on Mock-Tudor beams and fucking big televisions, to quote Irvin Welsh, whilst all ready rich Tory MPs used it for much more interesting things. £1600 for a floating duck house. £4000 to have a moat cleaned, I mean, who has a moat? Is he worried about Dragons? And my local member of parliament spent £2000 on getting a pipe under his tennis court fixed and than claimed in a local paper that he felt that he was being picked on. You spent £2000 on fixing your tennis court! Not really essential for being in London on week nights is it?
What is upsetting is that David Cameron has come across as a man in charge, where as Gordon Brown has looked ponderous and slow footed. It is a shame but I think we are in the death throws of this Labour Government. Please vote Liberal Democrat. I know you probably won't but it would be nice.

Another thing that doesn't interest me but I'm going to write about was the Jordan and Peter Andre splitting up thing. I was amused by the statement they released asking for some privacy at this time. Really? Privacy? You two? A relationship that was born on reality television and then developed on reality television, with wedding photos sold exclusively to a magazine. Oh yes and then exclusive interviews with The Sun and OK magazine since that statement. Don't you think that it's a bit late for that? Some cynical people have hypothesised that this is just a publicity stunt but even I hadn't thought of that.
I have used the unfortunate situation for the children to judge my “friends” on Facebook. So far I have only deleted one of them for mentioning Peter and Jordan one of their status updates but I will not hesitate in acting if it happens again.

1600 people have been arrested on terrorist charges in the UK since 9 of November 2001, oh no sorry September the 11th 2001 (Stuart Lee joke there) but how many of them have been convicted on these charges? Less than 10%. More have been convicted of immigration offences than terrorism. I think we may be trying to hard.
And while we are talking about terrorism related things, Guantanamo Bay. President Obama wants to shut it down but is having a little trouble because, well to be honest I'm not sure why. The level of the debate is so low that I'm not sure that any rational arguments have been made. The Saviour of the free world would like to bring the suspected evil-doers to America and charge them properly. Making sure that they have fair trials and are properly represented, however some think that this is a bad idea. Not just the fair trials things but just the bring them to America bit. I can't tell you why because I really didn't understand. “Don't bring them here, they could radicalise us or kill us all or something.” They are in prison! I'm pretty sure that there are some bad people in America who are in prison and you don't seem to have a problem with them. No one has ever escaped from one of your super high security prisons. These ALLEGED terrorist aren't that clever, they got caught, so I don't think they are going to be tunnelling out or hiding in laundry trucks.
You decided that they may have done something bad so you should sort it out. We charge and imprison our terrorists, not as many as we arrest obviously, but that is how it works.

My own awards now, because they won't let me on the panel in Cannes,

The Award for Stating the Obvious of the Week,

This goes to More4 news who, whist showing some footage of the English Civil War, felt it necessary to put the word “Re-enactment” along the bottom screen. Well thank you for that.

The Award for Icky Product of the Week,

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Lanacane Anti-Chaffing Gel. This is a gel to stop the fat bits of fat people rubbing together as they walk. Oh that is nice. I would imagine that if you have to buy a gel to stop your thighs starting a fire as you stroll to the fridge, you should maybe consider not eating any more for a while.

So I have a new job but I have been turned down for a couple recently. I was not the new Bond nor Dr Who and it was announced this week that I am not going to be Britain's first astronaut either. Some bloke who was appropriately qualified for the job and called Major Tim Peake seems to have got it instead, Git.

Have a good week; I'm off to worry a bit more.

Diana Watch

Ah, young love. Seeking nothing but the simple pleasures in life. Eating Chinese take-away. Sat outside the hospital. In the rain. I’ve put my work shoes away for a week and it feels good.
Lets be honest, that’s a phrase I use to often, there has only been one story this week. That is, of course, a model of the new first family that fits within the eye of a needle. I believe that President Obama is the first black man to have this honour.



One of the things that I have noticed this week is that during the coverage of the swearing in (do you think that they practised first?) was that very few people used the term “Black” and used “African American” instead to describe his race. Does this mean that I am wrong? I’m not sure anymore. I feel like the man in a Chris Rock sketch rapping along to Dr Dre but missing out the N word when anyone of colour is a around but bellowing it out when alone. It can be confusing for a bleeding heart liberal.

There has been a mighty fuss at the end of this week about the BBC not showing the appeal from the Disasters Emergency Committee (DEC) which is a group of charities that get together and run mass appeals for major disasters. The reason sited by the BBC for not showing the appeal was the fact that it was for Gaza and showing it after the news, as is usual for such an appeal, might seem like a lack of impartiality because the news may have contained articles about the Israel/Gaza war. Now the debate isn’t that interesting but what is quite interesting is the fact that the decision has been cover constantly on the main news programs on the terrestrial channels, News 24 and the BBC website. The BBC news website even had a click through link to the DEC website. So without showing the appeal itself they are making sure that everyone is aware of the appeal and giving them easy access to it. I don’t think that that has happened by accident, someone at the BBC is having a bit of a chuckle to themselves and people should really stop having a go. They have raised the awareness of the appeal by going on and on about it without having to show it.

There is to be a drive to recruit men to work with children in Nurseries and general child care. This is, obviously, a good idea. Children get to see both sexes doing the care thing and therefore their attitudes are set before anyone can notice. The only problem I can foresee is the excellent and positive attitude of the British mainstream media, oh and most of the public. As a male nurse I can assure you that a vast number of people do have a 70’s attitude towards these things. As Scroobius Pip said “not every man who plays with a child not their own is a Paedophile, some people are just nice.”

Now that racism has been ended by the election and inauguration of Barack Obama perhaps now we can concentrate on sexism, sorry but I’ve been listening to Woman’s Hour on Radio 4 in order to avoid George Lamb on 6music. Did you know, for instance, that there is a pay gap of 17% between man and woman in this country for like for like jobs and that the conviction rate for rape stands at just 6%. I know it is a hard crime to prove but are 94% of woman who decide to go through the humiliating process of reporting a rape lying? The incredibly misogynist response in the press to proposed changes in the Murder and Man slaughter laws giving women an equal footing in the press a couple of weeks ago was also rather shocking. The basic premise of the headlines and editorials was that the changes in the law would mean that woman who killed their husbands would get away with it. As it stands at the moment men can claim that they snapped and killed their nagging wives in a moment of madness, woman, however, are more likely to premeditate the killing of an abusive partner and therefore aren’t able to claim provocation. The proposed change would alter this, fairly I think. I really don’t understand how woman can work for newspapers like The Mail or The Express as they are always unpleasant towards their sex.

Let us hope that 2009 will be a good year for science as it has lost out a little bit in the last few years, what with newspapers turning against it, flawed reporting in most outlets and a President who clearly didn’t believe in facts. It has started quite well on both sides of the Atlantic. President Obama has lifted the ban on federal funding for embryonic stem cell research and over here there is a lot of hype around the 150th anniversary of Darwin’s masterwork “The Origin of Species”. Also the Commons Innovation, Universities, Science and Skills committee has criticised Prof John Beddington, the Government’s chief scientist, for failing to challenge ministers over their policies on cannabis and homeopathy. They went as far as to accuse him of defending the government’s reclassification of cannabis and it’s funding of 4 homeopathy specialising hospitals despite a complete lack of evidence. Oh my, some sense has reached our centre of Government, bring it on I say.

You know that at some point I would get round economics at some point didn’t you. 2 things this week, 1, the ONS has realised the spending figures of you and me, well probably not me as I’m a tight arse, for December and can you guess what? Oh yes, you’re right, spending in December was up 1.5% on the year before which, as I’ve mentioned before, was a record. So new record spending then! See I told you that it wasn’t your fault.
The other thing that I wanted to mention was the small town of Lewes in East Sussex which has introduced its own currency, the Lewes Pound. It is worth the same as the British Pound but it can only be spent in about 400 local shops thus keeping all the spending local and not in big chains. Brilliant! This is a scheme that could be rolled out to every town in the country, oh yes.

Shall we do some awards now as it is Burn’s Night and I’ve got Haggis to eat. Have you ever seen Haggis? It looks horrid, but it tastes fantastic. Significant other also found a poem of his on the BBC website entitled “Cock up your Beaver”. Oh come on that’s funny.


The Award for Rather Mean Sentencing of the Week,

This goes to a court in Thailand that has jailed an Australian novelist for insulting the Monarchy, which is sort of fair enough as it is their law, don’t agree with it myself but there you go. His book had sold just 7 copies.


The Award for Fun Spoilers of the Week,

This goes to every single news outlet that published the identity of the Stig, the Top Gear test driver. Do you understand that we all think that you are now spoilsports with no sense of humour? Part of the fun is not knowing.

The Award for Surprise Return of the Week,

This goes to Kenneth Clarke. Who would have thought that a pro-European who has openly supported the Governments VAT cut and has said that taxes will have to go up, whoever is in charge, openly disagreeing with David Cameron. Oh my, this could be fun.

The Award for Picture That Will Definitely Make You Smile,



Look! He’s leaving! Is there anything more sweet?

That will do for this week I think. Went to see Frost/Nixon this afternoon and it is fantastic, really well acted and a great script. Go and see it. Significant other also says that Slumdog Squarepants is fantastic but not, as advertised, the feel good film of the decade but it is great.