Bad Coffee 3

 I have a question for people who sell coffee for a living (by this I mean the companies not the poor person standing around behind the counter barely earning minimum wage); have you ever actually tasted coffee? I only ask because I have had several very bad cups of coffee this weekend.

 I, as you know, have spent the weekend at the Hay Festival and have been paying a lot of money for things but does the cost of things relate to the quality? Hell no.

 A standard coffee and a cappuccino that actually managed to taste of nothing at all. Now, come on, you have to be impressed by that. Ground coffee was used and milk (and chocolate dusting powder stuff in the cappuccino) but still they tasted of nothing. How is this possible? Aren't there laws of physics that cover this sort of thing? I really do resent paying any amount of money for coffee that tastes of nothing.

 I promise you that I am not being snobbish amount these things, I use instant coffee a lot at home but it tastes of something. When I make ground coffee it really tastes of something wonderful.

 The third bad cup of coffee I had this weekend was no real surprise as it was served to me in Pizza Express. A double espresso was ordered and duly supplied to me. If you put 2 teaspoons of instant coffee in a very small cup and added some hot water this is pretty much what my beverage tasted like, so much so that I think that it is strongly possible that this is what happened. At least it tasted of something I suppose but this is not what an espresso should taste like.

 The important question is where does this put them on the table? Well let's have a look,

 1) TGI’s, Tower Park, Poole

 2) Wetherspoons, Dorchester

 3) Pizza Express, Hereford

 4) Service Station somewhere in the North that I can’t remember the name of

 5) Toni and Guy, Dorchester

=6) All the coffee served at the Hay Festival

=6) Slug and Lettuce, Bournemouth.

 It wasn't all coffee drinking at Hay though, there was also some avoiding of rain, oh and some people giving some talks and taking questions. The most interesting and entertaining speakers, that we saw, were Andrew Marr, AC Graying, Greyson Perry, Amanda Galsworthy, Robin Ince (actually at a different festival down the road), Giles Coren, Adam Hart Davis and Audrey Niffenegger, fantastic, one and all.

 The only downside of the festival for me, if you ignore that tutting and pointy elbows of those who suffer from Middle Class Entitlement Syndrome, was camping. I hate camping. I understand that it is the only way that we can afford to go for 5 or 6 days but what really galls me is that Significant Other really likes it.

 We went to the End of the Road festival a couple of years ago she had never camped before. My plan was that we would camp, it would be cold and rainy and rubbish, she would hate it and we would never have to do it again. This didn't work, she bloody loved it.

 I do have a question for the people of that area, what is it with you and rude shop names?

Ok, so the owner of the Daisy Chain may not know the sexual connotation of their name and, maybe, the owner of the Scissor Sisters hairdressers may have heard of the band but not that it is a slang term/euphemism for Lesbians but there is no excuse for The Spread Eagle.

Bad Coffee

We haven’t talked about the badness of some coffees recently so here is a reminder of the league table of shame some far,

1) TGI’s, Tower Park, Poole
2) Wetherspoons, Dorchester
3) Service Station somewhere in the North that I can’t remember the name of
4) Toni and Guy, Dorhester

Well the good (or bad, depending on your out look) news is that we have a new entry.

We were shopping in Bournemouth on Sunday, Significant Other did well (lots of really nice clothes) and I bought 2 new albums. I got Mumford and Son and the new Eels albums (they are both fantastic). We decided to pop into the Slug and Lettuce for lunch. Ok so it is not the world’s finest catering establishment but never the less you expect some standards.
I asked for a double espresso because a single is never enough, although it was in this case.
The problems started when I saw how much coffee was in the cup. It is supposed to be a small cup, that’s sort of the point, the concentration of flavours, but this, in comparison to a normal espresso cup, was a veritable bucket. Please take note at this point oh high street purveyors of caffeinated beverages, the amount of liquid that we get is not the important thing, it should taste nice! Or in the case of some of the larger chains of coffee shops, it should taste of something!
Of course, if you dilute something quite a lot you get less of the thing that you started with and this does not make it more potent (quick dig at homeopaths there. The 10:23 mass overdose is tomorrow, 30/1/10, by the way.) and so the flavour was almost non-existent.
I am not a coffee snob, I drink instant sometimes and I only have a cheapish espresso machine, but I do like coffee and it’s not that hard to make well. This is all I ask for and I don’t think that it’s too much; if you sell coffee then it should be nice coffee.

So here is the revised table, I think that the Slug and Lettuce go in at number 5,

1) TGI’s, Tower Park, Poole
2) Wetherspoons, Dorchester
3) Service Station somewhere in the North that I can’t remember the name of
4) Toni and Guy, Dorchester
5) Slug and Lettuce, Bournemouth.

Bad Coffee

Today I have stared at my own mortality. I have had my hair cut. I sat there staring at my slightly receding hair as the hairdresser combed my hair back.
Then I smiled. Crows feet ladies and gentleman. Oh god I’m getting old.
What this dreadful experience did give me was the opportunity to bring back a very, very old thread. Oh yes, this is the glorious return of Bad Coffee.

I’m sure most of you don’t remember the list of really bad cups of coffee that I have ever had but it only had 2 entries and they were;

1) TGI’s really awful coffee. Honest the worst thing I have ever had in my mouth.

2) Wetherspoons’ super cheap coffee. Very little taste.

And now we have 2 new entries.

The mocha that I had at Toni and Guy was really quite poor, although it wasn’t helped by the fact that I had some of my hair in it. Why do we do it? “Would you like a tea or coffee?” they ask. The answer from the rational part of your brain is, “No thank you because it will end up with hair it before I have finished it.” But oh no. What actually come out is, “oh, yes please.” Why? Is it because it is free or at least included it the price?
I think that that means they have an entry at number 4 in my list. Number 3 goes to a service station that we used on our way to the Lake District a few weeks ago. Now that was an odd beverage.
It was, of course, served in a bucket because size is the most important thing but what was very strange was the taste or lack of it. The fluid was on your tongue but it had no flavour. That was until you swallowed it, and then there was a very slight taste. All very strange.
So the list stands thus,

1)TGI’s
2)Wetherspoons
3)Service Station I can’t remember the name of
4)Toni and Guy Dorchester