Dear everyone who complained to the BBC about their new CBBC presenter,

Sometimes I think that I am unshockable when it comes to the attitudes of stupid, ill-informed, nasty people but just when you think that you have a handle on it, you lot really put in the effort to keep me on my toes. You step up to the plate with such levels of ignorance that I am flabbergasted. A young lady is employed by the BBC to lull your children to sleep and educate and entertain them so that you don’t have too (and don’t give me that “oh I sit with my child as they watch the TV so it is quality time” crap because that doesn’t count) and all you can do is complain to the broadcaster that she has a bit of a stumpy arm. There are a couple of points here, 1, have you got nothing better to do with your, clearly, pointless lives then comment on the CBBC message board? Some of the comments are so offensive that the moderator has had to take them down. Comments that you must feel are ok because you put your names to them. By the way, I will be trying to get as many names as I can so that I can publish a list of shame. And 2, what do you think that you are doing? You are asking the BBC to remove a presenter because you don’t like the way she looks? Some of the comments said that children might be “scared” or “frightened” by her appearance. The interesting word there is “might”. A quick scan though your mindless ramblings seems to indicate that none of your children actually DID find her appearance anything other than mildly diverting for more than 5 seconds. “Mummy, why has that lady only got one hand?”, “Because she was born like that/had an accident/giant crab snipped it off, (delete as appropriate)”, “Fair enough Mummy, what time is In The Night Garden on and can I have some more health ruining snack food please before you serve me some prepared microwaved slop for dinner? Thank you”. (I think that is how children speak, do feel free to correct me if I’m wrong.)
If you think that the children might be frighten by something and it turns out that they weren’t because they are both curious and accepting, you have to ask yourself where does the problem lie? I think that if you look deep down inside yourselves you will find out, you deeply unpleasant people.
Let the nice lady, who has a name by the way, it’s Cerrie Burnell, and she looks like this,


Get on with looking after your children so you don’t have to bother and can spend more time swapping messages with other, equally bored, parents on a website for children’s television. You really are nasty, nasty people, please go away,
Yours with levels of disgust only usually felt for Daily Express headlines and Melanie Phillips,
Martyn (with no kisses because you don’t deserve them.)

P.s. also have a look at what other people think of you on the internet, try here for instance.