Diana Watch

Get it out, put it in her hand and cry. So if the Bank of England interest rate continues to fall will they end up owing me money? 2% you say, do you hear that HBOS, it’s down to 2% so why isn’t my mortgage? It’s about 5%, gits. It’s time to think about moving the mortgage again I think.
That is probably the dullest intro since the last Keane single so sorry about that. I did have a better one the other day but I decided not to write it down because I thought I would remember it, I didn’t. When will I learn?
I want to start with another appeal, hopefully with more success then the “Good People” one as I have been totally under whelmed by the responses I have received i.e. none, but I asked my brother what his children might like for Christmas (always Christmas by the way, never Xmas, it’s just wrong) and the eldest one wanted a Lego thingy, no problem there, onto their website and ordered it, nice, but he also suggested a Transformers Megatron, whatever that may be, I’m old, I don’t know, for his youngest child. Can I find one? Can I bollocks. I’ve checked all of the toy websites and can’t find one. Bum bum bum bum. Oh well, it adds some excitement to the Christmas period. Oh, I did find one on the Hamleys website but it was twice the price of everywhere else, so if anyone sees one do feel free to tell me where, thank you.

To the news cave! Several positive stories this week which makes a nice change in tone as I have worried that I was becoming moany again. Let us start with a positive EU story. The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that the UK Government breached the rights of 2 men who have had their DNA retained on the Police DNA database despite not being guilty of any crime. One of the gentlemen was charged but found innocent and one was arrested but not charged. So as the rules stand at the moment they had their DNA taken and checked against any existing or outstanding crimes on the database, which is sort of fine, but their DNA is then stored on the database indefinitely. There are child on the database and about 850,000 of the 4million people on the database have been found guilty of no crime but their DNA is held on the off chance that they might and this is the part that has been deemed to breach the human rights act. Hurray! Finally someone has seen sense. Now if you listened to various police representatives on the news you would have thought that they had been banned from taking the DNA in the first place or that they couldn’t check it against any existing unsolved crimes, which they haven’t, only storing it forever. To be honest I’m against the taking of DNA before any guilt has been established because it is possible that you get to a situation when the police start arresting people on the off chance that they have committed a crime and their DNA is on a list waiting to be matched. I know it is a touch paranoid but hey, it could happen. I was going to try and link that thought to the arrest and the office searching of Damien Green, that moany Tory bloke who is beginning to sound like a grumpy teenager who has come home to find that his mother has tidied his room, “I told you not to go in my room, it’s my room, I didn’t’ give you permission to go in there, I hate you!” but I could only seem to think of links that made me sound that I thought that the police had over stepped the mark but I don’t. The police where investigating something, they believed that a crime had been committed. Ok so a warrant might have been an idea but they turned up and asked if they could come in and the Sergeant at Arms said “Yes, ok” and they did. Really, what’s wrong with that? The Tory’s did complain at the beginning of this really insignificant problem that arresting officers had used “Anti-terror legislation”. Ha! Now you know how the inappropriate interpretation of anti-terror laws feels, annoying isn’t it?

The other big story of the week is the imprisonment of Karen Matthews, the rather stupid mother of Shannon Matthews. Now whilst there is very little funny about this story it is worth pointing out that the actual crime here was the fact that the poor ugly child was denied all those days of schooling. If there was ever a child that needed as much education as is possible it’s her, not a great deal of depth in that gene pool.

Something that has been dubbed “Lapland in Dorset” has closed down this week after, what it called, “Negative Press”. That was because you attraction was shit! And really expensive. Although some people were being a little petty in their moaning, some complained that they had to queue for 3 hours in the damp and cold to see Santa. Just a couple of points here, 1) Lapland is cold so that was quite realist then, 2) they can’t really be blamed for the weather, 3) as far as I’m aware there is only one Santa, so if you all want to see him you are all going to queue a little. The other thing that people were complaining about was a thing describe on the website as “a magical tunnel of light” because it turned out that it was a gap between some trees with a few fairy lights hanging there. I’m sorry, was there not enough “magic” for you? You do realise that the concept of magic is a fiction, don’t you? Just checking.

To the awards I think,

The Award for Nice People of The Week,

We have a runner up for this award this week. In Rotherham an old lady on an electric mobility scooter broke down in a park. She was approached by 3 hooded youths who pushed her home and refused the money she offered to them. See nice young people, but the winners are Life and Dark Guardian. They are 2 young man who live in New York, dress as superheroes and help homeless people, providing warm clothing and soup etc. All I do is buy a copy of the Big Issue ever so often, feel slightly inadequate now.

The Award for Disappointing Thing of The Week,

This is the announcement by Terry Wogan confirming that he will no longer be commenting on the high point of my cultural year that is the Eurovision Song Contest. He has been doing it since the beginning of time and I love it but he has had enough of doing it which is fair I suppose. The other disappointing is that Graham Norton will be replacing him.

The Award for Looking Like a Bit of a Tit in His New Uniform,

That would be me that would. I have some new uniforms for work and it does seem that ladies in the linen room have cut off dress, hemmed it, and then given it to me. It has a bit of a nipped in waist and everything. Whilst getting ready to go to work this week and I apologise for this image before I even type it, but I put my new top on before I put my trousers on I looked up and saw myself in the mirror and it occurred what I looked like. I looked like a member of Girls Aloud, if they dressed up as nurses for a video obviously. Sigh.

So Toyota have pulled out of Formula 1 citing the credit crunch and global financial problems as their reason, they are lying. The reason they have pulled out is because they spend £500 million a year and are still rubbish.

A quick mention for my football team, AFC Bournemouth, who have finally gone into positive numbers in League 2, they have 3 points. They started the season on -17 because they went into administration, before the credit thingy. So well done there.

Have a nice week everyone, not much on for me this week, had a very nice evening last night, friends round to ours and we wore black tie, very smart.