Diana Watch

“So when is Margaret's funeral, I will definitely come?”

“It's on the 14^th,”

“Oh that's my birthday,”

“I'm sorry about that,”

“Oh no, it's nice to have something to do on your birthday.”

Oh thank the lord, all will be well, Gary Barlow and Robbie Williams are friends again and the original Take That (the campest sounding band name ever, except for Gay Bikers on Acid, maybe) are back together again!

 It seems that Labour really did have a bit of an idea of what they were doing with the economy after all.

 Revised figures from the Office for National Statistics released on Friday show that the UK economy grew by 1.2% in the second quarter of this year. Now I believe the second quarter is April, May and June. So Gordon Brown in charge April and some of May and then the coalition took over but only tinkered.

 What is encouraging is the fact that most of the growth came from the construction sector, which grew 8.5%. Building is usually one the first sectors to suffer in a recession but one of the first to recover.

 As you can see from the graph this is the 3 quarter of growth in a row and this growth includes an 11% drop in air travel mostly down to ash cloud based delays.

(I may have stolen this from the BBC website)

 So when the Tories and the LibDems took over all was coming along nicely, let’s hope that they don’t mess it up to much with this recent wave of privatisations.

The Government is pretending that the cuts in spending are for “Austerity” reasons but I don’t think anyone is really buying that any more. This has become ideological.

 Many of their ideas won't save any money but they have handed control over to private companies.

 For instance, the scrapping of NHS Primary Care Trusts and the handing of commissioning services directly to GP's.

 Well that's not privatisation, GP's are the NHS you might say.  Well that is sort of true. GP's surgeries are commissioned by the PCT's to work for the NHS but they are privately run companies who make profits for the shareholders in that company, usually the Partners in the practise.

 There is also an interesting new development is the Partnership Collective, basically a company that is run by GP's that manages lots of Surgeries. Usually they start in one small geographical area but they soon start bidding for services nation wide.  They do the managing, centrally, and local Doctors and Nurse do the work. Much like a big company because they are a big company.

 I work, on Friday afternoon, for one such company called The Practise. I think that their choice of company name does sound like a Dr Who baddies organisation (the computer system is called System One, even more sinister if you ask me) but an OK employer. Again, private company making money for the owners of that private company.

 Very shortly after the Governments announcement of the PCT scrapage scheme, The Practise organised a meeting with other local GP surgeries and offered to do their commissioning for them, for a little bit of cash obviously.

 So which ever way you look at it the money for buying services from the NHS will go to private companies, which is privatisation isn't it?

 The Government's attitude was also laid out in an interview on Radio 4's PM program when they were discussing the scrapping of the Audit Commission.

 The Government spokesman brought up many anecdotes about waste with the Quango such as hiring conference space, in which they held a conference by the way, and the excessive use of pot plants (I have no idea what the excessive use of pot plants is but the BBC sent a reporter to this spokespersons office and it was filled with pot plants). He also bought up a contract that the Audit Commission had with a bagel shop. When they had a meeting that clashed with lunch they got some bagels in, OMG the waste! I'm pretty sure that that is a nice thing to do and quite usual but I digress. These were all examples of waste within an organisation that was described by Eric Pickles, Communities Secretary, as bloated. Really, a man with as many chins as him really should choose his hyperbole a little more carefully, again digression, sorry.

 When it was pointed out by Eddie Mare that “isn't that the sort thing that the companies the Government will use to carry out the duties of the Audit Commission will do and do do”, the reply was well “yes that is true but I don't care what they do with the money that we give them, they are a private company” Ok, I might be paraphrasing but that was the jist.

 So nothing will actually change except to introduce profit as a motive.

 So on to the awards,

 The Award for Being A Massively Twatty Company of the Week,

 So you will have heard about the 33 Chilean miners who are trapped underground.  It seems that they are going stuck there for quite a while as, in order to rescue them, a whole new mine shaft has to be drilled. They may be not be rescued until Christmas. Trapped in the dark at 36 degrees C, everything they need has to be slide down a tiny tube.

 Because the mine is not working, the company that runs it is facing some financial difficulties, the Government will be paying for the rescue and THE WORKERS MAY NOT BE GETTING PAID!

The Award for Super Twat of the Week (and pretty much every week to be honest),

Ladies and Gentleman, I give you Axl Rose. This will come as no surprise to anyone who has even a passing knowledge of his history with Guns N Roses but Friday night at the Reading Festival he gave one of more Divaish performances.

 He and his band of hired hands came on stage on hour late, at 22:30, despite being told that they had a curfew of 23:30. Because of their late arrival, no apology to the thousands of paying fans, they were allowed to play until Midnight. They left the stage after playing “Night Train” and then the power to the stage was cut as the 23:30 curfew was part of the licensing agreement but Twaxl wanted to play on.

 He returned to the stage, no power remember, and the drums began the intro to “Paradise City” which Mariah Wannabe Axl tried to sing through a megaphone. After about 5 minutes of this pantomime he left the stage.

 So elements of the crowd were less then friendly to him and booed after ever song and began chants of “what a twat” (see it's not just me)

 He then threatened not to play at the Leeds end of the festival tonight (Sunday) saying “ Unfortunately due to tonight we will not be at Leeds...” no mention that it was his own fault that Friday night's show was a bit rubbish.

I think that will do for today, a bit negative, sorry. I hope you all have a great week.

Diana Watch

“I’ve been working with dementia for 30 years,” “In that case you are doing surprising well!”

Ah, cider in one hand, Grand Prix on the telly, laptop on lap, the sun is out, could it be any better? Ok, so I could, if pushed, think of something better but it would be hard.

Shall we get the economy stuff out of the way at the beginning? Another week and another example that economists know absolutely nothing at all. I got up at 6 o’clock to go to work and all I heard on the Today program was how inflation would be a minus figure. We were going to have deflation and the world was going to end in a big fiery ball. Society was going to fall apart. The shops would be empty of food. Those who have bomb shelters should probably use them, taking canned food and bottles so that they can store their urine for drinking later. Cannibalism would probably the sensible lifestyle choice. So it was quite a tense day for me at work wondering when it would come crashing down. By the time 5 o’clock in the afternoon came around and it was time to go home I was nervous. Would I arrive home and find a half naked significant other armed with only a weapon made from the bones of my cat, wanting to steal my liver? No. No I didn’t. I arrived home to find that all was normal and I turned on the radio to find that inflation had, in fact, risen slightly. I’m sorry? What was that? Up slightly? But you said that everything was going to end. Oh yes I remember that thing that you don’t seem to, economics is NOT A SCIENCE.
Whilst we are on about how fucked we all are, well except me, I have a small mortgage and I work for the NHS, Gordon Brown got a bit of a kick in the European Parliament by some unknown Tory bloke (although he is an MEP so it’s no wonder that he is unknown) who delivered what could be best described as a rant in the general direction of our great leader. It has become a Youtube “sensation” (but so would a waterskiing squirrel) after many bloggers linked to it. These bloggers also asked the question, why wasn’t this speech covered on the main stream media? Is it a conspiracy against the Tories or against dissenting voices? Is the Government controlling the media? Umm, no. It was covered, a bit, by the main stream media but it was described as a “largely fact free rant”. Many of the points that he made were factually incorrect. One of the other reasons was that it wasn’t that good a speech. The best line in it was plagiarised from the late John Smith, leader of the Labour Party. Conspiracy, no. Bad speech, factually incorrect and plagiarism, yes.

I live in a lovely part of the country (am I annoying? Financial reasonably secure and living in Dorset.) but there was a report on the front of our local paper that the air quality on our main road has failed to meet the European standard because of the exhaust fumes from cars and lorries. This is a truly upsetting fact. I breathe that air. My lungs are filled with that pollution. Ok, not that much and not very often but you see my point. You think that were you live is clean and lovely but it isn’t. But what to do? We have a bypass and lorries are only suppose to be here for deliveries. It is a very rare moment but I don’t know what can be done. I have no ideas. Bum.

Daily Mail and Express readers have had a fun week. Within the usual borderline racist reporting of anything that involves the word “immigration” there was also one of those stories when you wonder where there sympathies (and I use that word completely incorrectly) lie. A soldier from the Cameroon has been told by the UK Borders Agency that he is to be deported. He has come over here and fought for our country and this is how we treat him, it’s disgusting. We show our thanks by trying to deport him. Oh, there is one other little fact. He has been convicted of sexual assault and has served his prison time and so the rules say that any foreign national who is convicted of a crime is to be deported. The soldier, Chaly Gnouh, has been supported by the Royal British Legion after he spent the last year out of work. They have described his current situation as 'distressing'. Chris Simpkins, director general of The Royal British Legion, said "We are assisting Mr Ngouh with his situation and have been supporting him materially and morally.
"We would like this case to be resolved as a matter of priority and in the mean time urge that on no account should Mr Ngouh be deported."
He added, "It is distressing that someone who only wanted to be a good soldier can be treated in this way." As distressing as being sexually assaulted? Should we ignore the law because he was a soldier? If the Royal British Legion continues with this pointless and morally bankrupt fight I won’t be buying my poppy this year.

Ok, lets’ do some awards,

The Award for Reasonably Ignored Sporting Victory of the Week,

England are the world champions. That is a phrase that isn’t used as much as it could be especially as we are talking about cricket. Well done to the England Woman’s Cricket team who have become world 20/20 champions.

The Award for Slightly Bitter Middle Aged Man of the Week,

This goes to Liam Gallagher who this week described skinny fashion as “shit”. He is realising his own clothing line soon and has been doing some interviews. Do you think that one of us has hit middle age and is getting a little doughy? Is he having a bit of trouble getting into his skinny Topshop jeans? Poor bloke.

Fantastic Grand Prix by the way. A 1,2 for the new Brawn GP team. It’s a great story and a great race.

Have a good week. A little short this week but not always a bad thing.