Diana Watch

 You try and give something up and it pulls you back in. It's a bit like Scientology in that respect.

 I was going to stop doing this “every sunday” thing, for a while at least, because the podcast is staring to take off and it takes quite a bit of time to do both. That and I don't want to repeat myself.

 After last weeks posting no one commented at all on me stopping so I thought “The readers, or lack of them, have spoken, no one cares that much so I will stop for a while at least”, and then the Daily Express decided that I just couldn't. You want to stop do you? You think you can ignore something like this do you? Just once more, it can't hurt can it?

 Lady and Gentleman I give you,

 

Don't stare directly at it, the stupid will burn your eyes.

Shall we do some awards whilst we are here? I think we shall,

The Award for Massive Twat (Sorry Again) of the Week,

Naomi Campbell appeared, rather surprisingly, at the War Crimes trial of former Liberian leader Charles Taylor. She was giving evidence about blood diamonds that she was allegedly given by Mr Taylor.

 She was asked about how she felt about appearing before the tribunal and she said it was an “inconvenience”. Really? Oh I'm very sorry Ms Campbell, did you have something more important than a war crimes trail to do? Maybe you had to abuse your PA or work on your throwing arm? Perhaps you had to walk up and down a bit in a slightly silly frock?

 If you thought that the Supermodel was a vacuous idiot before she really hasn't helped herself but, as my mother said this week, “She looked fantastic”.

 Here you can see a picture of the people who attended the dinner where the barely sentient ball of rage met Charles Taylor, note the caption for the woman 4^th for the right, crushing.

The Award for Interesting Yet Pointless Size Comparison Because No One Knows the Size of the Original of the Week, 

An enormous glacier has broken of from the North West coast of Greenland and if it moves South could easily interfere with shipping. It is the largest Arctic iceberg since 1962 but how big is it? Well, it is 260 sq km or 100 sq miles. That tells me nothing, can you please compare it to something, maybe an island that I have no idea how big it is really. Why thank you BBC radio news who said it was 2/3rds the size of the Isle of Wight.

 Whilst that wasn't really a helpful comparison the one on the BBC website was much better. On there it says that the iceberg contains enough fresh water “keep all US public tap water flowing for 120 days," well according to Prof Muenchow anyway.

 Whilst the breaking off of a single iceberg, no matter how big, is not proof of anything the first 6 months of this year have been the warmest on record.

The Award for Least Surprising Speech Content of the Week,

The not very healthy Ex-leader of Cuba, Fidel Castro, has given his first speech to Parliament in 4 years.

 His audience were not as tough on him as perhaps they might have been as they applauded him just for turning up. Why doesn't that happen to me? I have entered plenty of rooms that contain other people but never have they exploded into spontaneous applause, it's just not right.

 Anyway, back to some sort of point, can you guess which Country Ex-President Castro was most annoyed with? Well can you? We’re not carrying on until you have a guess. Come on it’s your own time you’re wasting. That’s better.

  Those of you who said Chile will receive no points, the same goes for those who suggested The Federated States of Micronesia. No it was America, which is far enough I suppose as they are still keeping up those sanctions despite the fact you can get a package holiday to Havana. If you can go all-inclusive to a place there is quite a strong chance that your economic sanctions aren't working that well.

 I'm sure that that will do for now, I'm still not sure if I'm going to carry on with this blogging thing but don't worry, I'm not going to go on about it anymore, when a decision is reached I will tell you.

 Have a lovely rest of week and if you like the podcast tell and friend or give us a nice review on the website or on Itunes, thank you xx

DORC Podcast Episode 3

There is a new episode of the DORC podcast here and it’s on Itunes, search for DORC in the podcasts bit. Hope you enjoy it. Oh and please tell your friends and stuff, if you enjoy it that is, thank you xx

Diana Watch

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Really, these phisers really aren’t trying that hard any more.

Ok so it turns out that you can get broadband access in Kent, who knew? Anyway as I am away this weekend I have only have time for a few awards,

The Award for A Joke That No One In Their Right Mind Would Ignore of the Week,

Former US Vice President (and Dark Lord of the Sith) Dick Cheney has had a pump fitted into his chest to assist his heart. Mr Cheney has spent most of his life battling with congestive heart failure and, some far, has had 5 heart attacks, the first of which occoured when he was only 37.
 One of the stranger side effects of this sort of pump is that Dick now has no pulse. Come on admit it, we are all think the same thing, I didn’t know he had a heart.

The Award for Oddest David Cameron Description of the Week,

The Daily Express describe David Cameron as Ironman Cameron, no it really did! Look there, under the headline, “Ironman Cameron Slams The Release of Evil Al Megrahi”



Oh come on that’s funny. Ironman! He is a Superhero to the Express it seems.

The Award for a Sentence That Will Cheer Most People Up of the Week,

Goldman Sachs profits fall by 82%. Whilst it is a shame that they are still in business it is heart warming to know that they are making less money.

The Award for Not Being a Great Surprise of the Week,

Earlier this year the Times newspapers online edition disappeared behind a paywall. It was seen as a bold experiment by News International as very few other media outlets were charging for their online newspapers. What would happen? Would revenue from adverts drop away as traffic numbers fell but be replaced by subscription charges so that the site broke even or maybe, possably turned a profit? Who knew? Well no one did and they still don’t as News International are not releasing any figures. What we do know is that traffic through the site is down by about 90%.

The Award for Having an End Clearly Written By Disney of the Week,

Muttiah Muralitharan, perhaps the world's greatest bowler has retired. Some will still claim that his bowling style is illegal within the rules of cricket, these people are idiots. Yes he has a funny looking arm but it is still a legal bowling action.
 Anyway, enough angry Wisden style rants, his last game finished on Thursday. When it began he had taken 792 test wickets, already way ahead of his nearest rival, but would he make the magic 800 wickets? During the game he had taken 7 wickets leaving him on 799.
  During the second Indian innings his bowling partner Lasith Malinga was ripping through the team, would there be one wicket left for Muralitharan?
 Of course there would. By it's very nature, when the last Indian batsman was out it was the end of their second innings whatever bowl of the over it was, so if Muralitharan was bowling you could legitimately claim that he got his 800th wicket with his last ever ball in professional cricket. Can you guess what happened? Of course you can.
   Muralitharan bowled, Pjagyan Ojha edged it and Mahela Jayawardene took the catch in the slips. 800 test wickets for Muttiah Muralitharan.
That he is the greatest bowler is not up for discussion but he still has not bowled the single greatest ball of all time. That honour goes to the mighty Shane Warne,



There's a song about that ball you know, it's by the Duckworth Lewis Method and it called Jiggery Pokery and it's fantastic,



The Award for Possibly Ironic Award of the Week,

The Council for Learning Outside the Classroom has given a “Quality Badge” to a zoo in Wraxall, near Bristol, in recognition of its educational programme. What is wrong with that you may ask, well the full name of the zoo is Noah’s Ark Zoo. Getting anything yet? Noah's Ark? Where is that from....umm... oh yes that is mentioned in Genesis isn't it, the first book of the bible. Oh indeed it is well educated reader of mine, for this is a creationist zoo, and yes, such places do exist.
 It looks like a very good zoo, the website is lovely, but there, on the end of the navigation bar is the problem. The bit marked Evolution and Creation.
 To be fair to the Council for Learning Outside of the Classroom (who need a snappier name by the way) the zoo may have a very well run and excellently organised education system, it;s just that they are teaching absolute bollocks.

I think that will do, I'm off to Whitstable Oyster Festival. Have a good week what ever you do. Oh and if you haven't listen to it yet, maybe you might like to give the podcast a brief moment of your time. Click here to listen

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